Well Peanut is looking good and everything is on track for our EDD! Strong heartbeat, perfecto measurements and everything in the right places. Phew!!!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Merry Lazyness
Oh what bliss it has been to be away from work and stress since the 23rd. This preggo was in major need of a time out and so far its been just what the Dr. ordered.
My rented fetal doppler arrive on the 22nd so clearly that was my play toy for a while. Found Peanut pretty quickly and their little heart was beating at a very steady 150. Ya Peanut!
Friday was P's 35th birthday so off we went for dinner and drinks with a few friends before he and his crew headed over to the Canucks & Flames games. His birthday wish came true and the Flames won. Woo-hoo!
I went back to our hotel room (we were given a night at the Delta in Vancouver from a friend and man did that make for a nice night of luxury por moi and no stress trying to get home to the burbs for Mr. Party Pants), enjoyed a long warm bath, a laundry list of Christmas shows and a giant king sized bed. HOWEVER the leaving of my Snoogle at home proved disastrous, as I had a horrible nights rest and woke up in a very sour mood and aching head to toe. Lesson learned, Snoogle comes with Momma everywhere.
Christmas Eve was quiet for us, just what we wanted. We ate massive burritos, sipped hot chocolate and watched my all time fav holiday flick - Its a Wonderful Life. I bawled like a child at the end - way to go hormones, jeebz.
Bring on the lazy Christmas Day! Getting up somewhere around 10am, the coffee went on and the prezzies started to be opened. Again more tears when I opened the gift for Peanut from my Mom (Nana). She has been recovering from knee replacement for the last few weeks and clearly been using her time wisely :)
My rented fetal doppler arrive on the 22nd so clearly that was my play toy for a while. Found Peanut pretty quickly and their little heart was beating at a very steady 150. Ya Peanut!
Friday was P's 35th birthday so off we went for dinner and drinks with a few friends before he and his crew headed over to the Canucks & Flames games. His birthday wish came true and the Flames won. Woo-hoo!
I went back to our hotel room (we were given a night at the Delta in Vancouver from a friend and man did that make for a nice night of luxury por moi and no stress trying to get home to the burbs for Mr. Party Pants), enjoyed a long warm bath, a laundry list of Christmas shows and a giant king sized bed. HOWEVER the leaving of my Snoogle at home proved disastrous, as I had a horrible nights rest and woke up in a very sour mood and aching head to toe. Lesson learned, Snoogle comes with Momma everywhere.
Christmas Eve was quiet for us, just what we wanted. We ate massive burritos, sipped hot chocolate and watched my all time fav holiday flick - Its a Wonderful Life. I bawled like a child at the end - way to go hormones, jeebz.
Bring on the lazy Christmas Day! Getting up somewhere around 10am, the coffee went on and the prezzies started to be opened. Again more tears when I opened the gift for Peanut from my Mom (Nana). She has been recovering from knee replacement for the last few weeks and clearly been using her time wisely :)
P & I managed to surprise each other with some of our gift choices, which was fantastic and then he made the water works flow again. All year I have been talking about wanting an silver, oval locket, something that from all my looking is bloody impossible to find. They are all seem to be overly cheesy gold hearts. Well leave it to my hubby to find the perfect one. I opened a tiny pink and silver box to find a beautiful, simple silver oval locket on a fine silver chain. Cue the tears.
We had a fantastic dinner over a our friends place, my apple pie was a hit, as were my brussels sprouts (come on, they are awesome little nuggets of goodness) and a ton of laughs. We hunkered down to play a few rounds of board games once the food had settled and I quickly became the enemy of the group, as I took 2 out of 3 rounds with my wit and non-alcohol saturated brain.
Boxing Day = Lazy day with me wrapped in our new cozy throw, hot tea and left overs in hand. I space out for most of the day in front of our new Apple TV watching Mad Men and classic Canadian - Degrassi (the original Jr and High seasons - Oh my THANK YOU NETFLICKS!)
And now its the 27th, and more lazy is to come. P and I have plans to prep and paint the nursery this week (I will prep, he will paint) and we have our anatomy scan and first OB appointment tomorrow - So thrilled to be able to see my babes again.
19 wks down - 21 to go!
Monday, December 19, 2011
And Here Come the Cravings
Its like after every turn day something new happens. At 12 weeks the constant nausea stopped, at 14 weeks my belly started to pop, at 17 weeks I started feeling baby bubbles ... and now at 18 weeks the cravings had seemingly kicked in.
And why do I think its a craving and not just a general want? General wants don't have the URGENCY to HAVE that this feeling did. Like honestly, if I didn't get my hands on some salty & vinegar crispy minis STAT someone was gonna get a hurt real bad.
Needless to say my tongue is now almost bleeding after mowing **cough** two bag of the aforementioned crispy minis. Jesus. Get control woman!
And why do I think its a craving and not just a general want? General wants don't have the URGENCY to HAVE that this feeling did. Like honestly, if I didn't get my hands on some salty & vinegar crispy minis STAT someone was gonna get a hurt real bad.
Needless to say my tongue is now almost bleeding after mowing **cough** two bag of the aforementioned crispy minis. Jesus. Get control woman!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Woosh, Woosh, Woosh!
Yay! Finally heard Peanut's little heart a beating - So crazy!!!
Dr says I am measuring perfect for 17 weeks and am a super healthy pregnant lady, despite me feeling like a house. She said my blood pressure was perfect so no matter how I think I look, I am not to worry about my weight.
2 more weeks until our 20 wk scan and our first OB appt and then we are 1/2 way done. WOW, May is coming FAST!
We have also booked our doula and signed up for our Hypnobabies class and I am so excited. I am so very determined to have an unmedicated delivery and really feel that this will help me achive this. I have head from some close friends such fantastic things about it and how wonderfully it worked for them I am hoping the same will be for me.
For more info on our doula lynn - here is her website:
http://yourbirthsong.com/
For more info on Hypnobabies - here you have it
http://www.hypnobabies.com/
http://ecochildsplay.com/2011/11/01/childbirth-hypnosis-a-safer-healthier-alternative-to-epidurals/
Dr says I am measuring perfect for 17 weeks and am a super healthy pregnant lady, despite me feeling like a house. She said my blood pressure was perfect so no matter how I think I look, I am not to worry about my weight.
2 more weeks until our 20 wk scan and our first OB appt and then we are 1/2 way done. WOW, May is coming FAST!
We have also booked our doula and signed up for our Hypnobabies class and I am so excited. I am so very determined to have an unmedicated delivery and really feel that this will help me achive this. I have head from some close friends such fantastic things about it and how wonderfully it worked for them I am hoping the same will be for me.
For more info on our doula lynn - here is her website:
http://yourbirthsong.com/
For more info on Hypnobabies - here you have it
http://www.hypnobabies.com/
http://ecochildsplay.com/2011/11/01/childbirth-hypnosis-a-safer-healthier-alternative-to-epidurals/
Friday, December 9, 2011
A Beautiful Truth
A great friend of mine sent me this link the other day and I just finished watching it. I am moved, mad and sad. I wish more people would open their minds to the alternatives that exists and not immediately run to modern science for the cures to what ails them. They don't have all the answers and they are sometime the cause of the suffering.
I have put my foot down an no longer accept fluoride at the dentist and will continue to do so for myself and my children
I want to have my last amalgam removed but are fearful of it not being done properly
I am vegan and will be for the rest of my life and I will raise my children as such
Yes I am passionate, but not without reason. If you care about yourself, do the right thing and watch this and think about the choices you make and the way you live:
A Beautiful Truth
Raised on a wildlife reserve in Alaska, 15-year-old Garrett was interested in the dietary habits of the farm animals. After the tragic death of his mother, Garrett's father decided to home-school his son and assigned a book written by Dr. Max Gerson that proposed a direct link between diet and a cure for cancer. Fascinated, Garrett embarks in this documentary on a cross-country road trip to investigate The Gerson Therapy. He meets with scientists, doctors and cancer survivors who reveal how it is in the best interest of the multi-billion dollar medical industry to dismiss the notion of alternative and natural cures
I have put my foot down an no longer accept fluoride at the dentist and will continue to do so for myself and my children
I want to have my last amalgam removed but are fearful of it not being done properly
I am vegan and will be for the rest of my life and I will raise my children as such
Yes I am passionate, but not without reason. If you care about yourself, do the right thing and watch this and think about the choices you make and the way you live:
A Beautiful Truth
Raised on a wildlife reserve in Alaska, 15-year-old Garrett was interested in the dietary habits of the farm animals. After the tragic death of his mother, Garrett's father decided to home-school his son and assigned a book written by Dr. Max Gerson that proposed a direct link between diet and a cure for cancer. Fascinated, Garrett embarks in this documentary on a cross-country road trip to investigate The Gerson Therapy. He meets with scientists, doctors and cancer survivors who reveal how it is in the best interest of the multi-billion dollar medical industry to dismiss the notion of alternative and natural cures
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Pillow Forts Ain't Just for Kids Anymore
Yup, you read right, I am a grown woman now sleeping in a pillow fort in an attempt to actually sleep, avoid hip and back pain and eleviate boob and belly strain. I think P is in the bed with me most nights but I cant be sure since once I am in my fort, I cant see what is going on outside of it.
But I am sleeping again and it sure beats buying a $70 pregnancy pillow.
Ha!
And really, who dosent love a pillow fort right?
But I am sleeping again and it sure beats buying a $70 pregnancy pillow.
Ha!
And really, who dosent love a pillow fort right?
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Merry Preggo Christmas - Part #1
Went out to my first Christmas party last night, P's annual corporate bash in Whistler. Had an amazing afternoon with a 90 min massage and grabbed tea with some great girlfriends.
THEN, we went to the party and the night went into the toilet.
I was in a black dress and killer boots, rocking some great hair and makeup, feeling like a million bucks and only a little worried I looked like a whale.
First comment came at 5 minutes into the night: "Woah! How much weight have you gained already, you must have gone up at least 2 sizes".
Uuuuuh, ok ... I am stunned into silence - ME!
2nd comment: "I was gonna say, either you've been slamming back the beers or something is going on in there" - Followed by an unwelcome pat of the belly.
Wow, ummm. Forced smiles and stiff uncomfortable laughter
3rd comment: 'You're only due in May? You keep going like that and you'll start to fall forward". - Followed by an second unwelcome pat of the belly.
Anger and tears now brewing. Keep it together E-Dot!
Wholly hell did my self esteem go into the toilet fast. I am fully aware of how much weight I have gained and where it is showing up (face, ass and gut). I am also very aware that I should be able to take these things with a grain of salt, but it was hard. Add in the fact that any woman I spoke to all night only wanted to talk pregnancy, babies, motherhood and was free with giving out LOADs of suggestions and advise (some great, some very annoying), that I was honestly the only sober person in a room of 100 drunks and that P was off and in fine form, the night had a emotionally charged feel to it.
Then my headache returned - for the love of god. I called it a night at 10:30pm, with a hammered P walking me home to the hotel. He left me in bed, chugging water and smothered in drunk man kisses. He went back to continue his bender as I sat there watching Bring it On and praying to god that
a) I dont become a massive whale of a woman over the next 6 months; and
b) that my EFFING never-ending headache will someday leave.
I guess I need to chin up, but I may snap if people continue to make "honest" comments about my body, touch me (this one really gets me furious), and offer "advice".
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Doulas
Doula:
A Doula is someone[1] who provides non-medical support to women and their families during labour and childbirth, and also the postpartum period. A doula helps fill this gap by providing support to the woman and her partner or support system throughout the childbearing year. A doula does not replace the support system; instead, they help support them so that they can focus on loving and encouraging the laboring woman. Doulas can serve as a source of information during pregnancy, labor and birth. A doula assists families in gathering information about their pregnancy, labor and the options available for delivery.
P and I are in the process of interviewing Doulas. Since I have been directed into using the services of an OB rather than my preferred route of using a midwife (both P and my Dr think that based on my history, its best to go the medical route for this kiddo), and we will not have the luxury of being surrounded by family and friends for Peanuts arrival, I feel that we need a 3rd party that will act as a support and provide guidance and strength when the going gets going.
So in classic E fashion I set up interviews with 3 different ladies, the first of which just concluded. Such lovely ladies. They have been present for 40 births and have worked at the hospital that we will deliver at. They are local and will be on call for us from the moment we secure their services and have no limited on time spent with us once labour begins.
i realized while talking with them just how nervous I am about the rest of this pregnancy and just how scary it is going to be to go into labour and deliver my child, never mind my new role as a MOTHER!
I have to admit it. I am scared. I am a tough gal, but this has me shaking
Meeting with another doula tomorrow and will ponder our decision over a 90 minute massage and a festive weekend in Whistler. Tis the Season!
P and I are in the process of interviewing Doulas. Since I have been directed into using the services of an OB rather than my preferred route of using a midwife this time (both P and my Dr think that based on my history, its best to go the medical route for this kiddo), and we will not have the luxury of being surrounded by family and friends for Peanuts arrival, I feel that we need a 3rd party that will act as a support and provide guidance and strength when the going gets going.
So in classic E fashion I set up interviews with 3 different ladies, the first of which just concluded. Such lovely ladies. They have been present for 40 births and have worked at the hospital that we will deliver at. They are local and will be on call for us from the moment we secure their services and have no limited on time spent with us once labour begins.
I realized while talking with them just how nervous I am about the rest of this pregnancy and just how scary it is going to be to go into labour and deliver my child, never mind my new role as a MOTHER!
I have to admit it - I am a tough gal, but this has me shaking.
Meeting with another doula tomorrow and will ponder our decision over a 90 minute massage and a festive weekend in Whistler. Tis the Season!
Monday, November 28, 2011
The Cove
I watched The Cove last night.
I was not prepared for how it was going to effect me. I have seen far too many docs and films that focus on animal cruelty and exploitation, so I thought I knew what I was getting into. But I was wrong. Within the first 10 minutes I could hardly breath and was consumed by sadness and tears. I then moved to anger and disbelieve, followed up by utter dispare and an urge to get involved like never before.
I have been a dolphin lover since I was a child and even had one inked in my arm for life when I was 18. I have been to Sea World, zoos and aquariums around the globe and even worked at my local aquarium for a short while. I am now sick that I have ever done so.
Knowing what I know now has changed me over night, exactly like my abrupt jump from omni to vegan did back in November 2009. Interesting that both these massive revelations have occurred in November? Hmmmm, is there something to that I wonder?
Regardless, I am enraged, saddened and appalled by what I now know of the dolphin slaughter happening, as I type this, in Japan. It is disgusting, barbaric, and there is no reason or rational that can come close to justifying why this must continue to happen.
Human entertainment? Really, is this really worth it? Take you heads out of the sand for a moment and put your blissful ignorance aside and look at what the situation really is:
Cold Blooded Murder.
And while I am just one person living in my bubble far away from the horrors of Taiji I am determined to join the fight and help preserve this still misunderstood and clearly emotionally advanced species before it is too late, and all we have are picture books, and videos to remind us of what special and majestic creatures we once knew.
Do your part here - Get involved:
Read up on the issues and how you can help the Oceanic Preservation Society (OPS) in their fight
http://opsociety.org/what-you-can-do/after-seeing-the-cove
I was not prepared for how it was going to effect me. I have seen far too many docs and films that focus on animal cruelty and exploitation, so I thought I knew what I was getting into. But I was wrong. Within the first 10 minutes I could hardly breath and was consumed by sadness and tears. I then moved to anger and disbelieve, followed up by utter dispare and an urge to get involved like never before.
I have been a dolphin lover since I was a child and even had one inked in my arm for life when I was 18. I have been to Sea World, zoos and aquariums around the globe and even worked at my local aquarium for a short while. I am now sick that I have ever done so.
Knowing what I know now has changed me over night, exactly like my abrupt jump from omni to vegan did back in November 2009. Interesting that both these massive revelations have occurred in November? Hmmmm, is there something to that I wonder?
Regardless, I am enraged, saddened and appalled by what I now know of the dolphin slaughter happening, as I type this, in Japan. It is disgusting, barbaric, and there is no reason or rational that can come close to justifying why this must continue to happen.
Human entertainment? Really, is this really worth it? Take you heads out of the sand for a moment and put your blissful ignorance aside and look at what the situation really is:
Cold Blooded Murder.
And while I am just one person living in my bubble far away from the horrors of Taiji I am determined to join the fight and help preserve this still misunderstood and clearly emotionally advanced species before it is too late, and all we have are picture books, and videos to remind us of what special and majestic creatures we once knew.
Do your part here - Get involved:
Read up on the issues and how you can help the Oceanic Preservation Society (OPS) in their fight
http://opsociety.org/what-you-can-do/after-seeing-the-cove
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Food Porn
Finally got some snaps off my droid. Enjoy
Whole Wheat Bread - A success!
Baked manicotti w tofu ricotta and sauteed mushrooms - Delish!
My massive and to die for veggie lasagna (whole wheat noodles, marinara, tofu ricotta w fresh spinach, sauteed mushrooms and sweet peppers and onions)
Organic Blueberry and Banana Loaf - So moist and wonderful!
Baked vegetable Creste di gallo with marinara and tofuballs - Just one word: Amazing.
Whole Wheat Bread - A success!
Baked manicotti w tofu ricotta and sauteed mushrooms - Delish!
My massive and to die for veggie lasagna (whole wheat noodles, marinara, tofu ricotta w fresh spinach, sauteed mushrooms and sweet peppers and onions)
Organic Blueberry and Banana Loaf - So moist and wonderful!
Baked vegetable Creste di gallo with marinara and tofuballs - Just one word: Amazing.
Mmmm, Oranges
This may explain why yesterday and for the last few weeks I have been devouring oranges by the bag load:
Saturday, November 19, 2011
I'm Back Baby
Yup, all 4 of you may have noticed that I was AWOL the last few months. And this is 100% due to life and its never-ending rollercoaster of crap.
But whatever, its all behind me now and I am back and ready to roll.
The last few months I have been a big ball of exhausted, nausea, headachy, moody, bathroom dashing craziness. And if you can read between those few lines, you will have realized that all of that is because I am PREGNANT! Yes, again for the 3rd time in less than a year I am with child, but this little Peanut is so far here to stay. I am 14 weeks in and so far my team (yes, team) of Drs is very happy with all the progress, hubby is super positive and I have started to come around to Team Excited from Team Paranoid.
And now that I am officially in the 2nd trimester, it seems that all the ick that is accustom in the 1st tri has passed and I am back to my old energetic non barfy self. ABOUT TIME! Geeze.
So to celebrate I have been back in the kitchen and cooking my butt off (now that I can stand the smell of anything other than bread and rice -oh ya, its been a fun 12 weeks).
Last weekend was India Fest at Chez M. I made a mean chana masala, spinach saag, and a super tasty aloo gobi. Alas, i forgot to take any photos in my mad desire to eat!
Today however is different. We have some lovely dinner guest coming over in the next few hours and so I started cooking yesterday for my massive fave: Lasagna. I sauteed mushrooms and onions in veg broth, cooked up some delish tomato basil garlic sauce and master crafted some of my famous, omni-tricking tofu ricotta. This morning I started off the day with a fantastic Blueberry Banana Bread and finished up my lasagna bits and bobs with some fresh chopped organic spinach and sauteed sweet peppers and onions. And then I layered one kind of goodness on top of the other and created, what I may say is my lasagna masterpiece.
Food porn photos to come ...
Ohhh, ya. I am BACK baby!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Foolishness
One Statement:
Kathy Rudy is a fool
http://vegan.com/blog/2011/09/15/kathy-rudy-in-translation/
Monday, August 29, 2011
Namaste
“Yoga is the control of the whirls of the mind (citta).” – Yoga-Sutra(1.2)
“Yoga is ecstasy (samadhi).” – Yoga-Bhashya (1.1)
What is Yoga?
Yoga is as scientific or as spiritual as you would like it to be. It can be asana, meditation, a stretch, or a song. Through experimentation, stillness and movement, yoga unveils love and fear in raw forms without any crutches to grasp onto – besides your own breath and bravery. Yoga is hearing breath in the body, while changing muscle memory. Yoga is an understanding that asana, sensations and thoughts change daily, and we can forever learn in the bodies we inhabit. Above all, yoga is just a game –flowing through yoga classes, situations, relationships, and finding happiness in jokes and wide smiles. Remembering that all the tools we need to be living liberation are on this earth, in this body, right now.
Oh how wonderful the last two weeks of reconnecting with my body and rediscovered my love of yoga has been. I had forgotten just how much I enjoyed the calm and quite of a daily practice.
I find myself centred, grounded clear of mind and soul.
I am strong, invigorated and powerful, sensations and feelings I have never found in going to the gym or while running.
These feeling are somewhat addictive and I am on my mat now daily, from 20 - 60 minutes, lost in my practice. I have a new recycled & eco friendly mad on its way to me as I type this (thanks amazon.ca) and cannot wait to unroll it tonight and again loose myself in the power and peacefulness of the asanas.
Thanks to the wonders of the interweb, I have been able to download amazing classes from http://www.yogadownload.com and no longer have to fork out big cash monies or race from work to get to class. I can practice in the tranquility of my own home and then flop into bed, relaxed and ready for a solid nights sleep.
And what a pleasant suprise, Mr. P has started to join me in my daily sessions. Who would have every thought?! I think the fact that he realized a few months ago that he could in NO WAY touch his feet with his fingers made the decision a little easier :)
He says he now can appreciate the athleticism required in yoga, but is not yet sure of the breathing, meditative mind and "cheesy music" of the classes. He will get there ... come little grasshopper, to the calming and peaceful world of yoga.
“Yoga is ecstasy (samadhi).” – Yoga-Bhashya (1.1)
What is Yoga?
Yoga is as scientific or as spiritual as you would like it to be. It can be asana, meditation, a stretch, or a song. Through experimentation, stillness and movement, yoga unveils love and fear in raw forms without any crutches to grasp onto – besides your own breath and bravery. Yoga is hearing breath in the body, while changing muscle memory. Yoga is an understanding that asana, sensations and thoughts change daily, and we can forever learn in the bodies we inhabit. Above all, yoga is just a game –flowing through yoga classes, situations, relationships, and finding happiness in jokes and wide smiles. Remembering that all the tools we need to be living liberation are on this earth, in this body, right now.
Oh how wonderful the last two weeks of reconnecting with my body and rediscovered my love of yoga has been. I had forgotten just how much I enjoyed the calm and quite of a daily practice.
I find myself centred, grounded clear of mind and soul.
I am strong, invigorated and powerful, sensations and feelings I have never found in going to the gym or while running.
These feeling are somewhat addictive and I am on my mat now daily, from 20 - 60 minutes, lost in my practice. I have a new recycled & eco friendly mad on its way to me as I type this (thanks amazon.ca) and cannot wait to unroll it tonight and again loose myself in the power and peacefulness of the asanas.
Thanks to the wonders of the interweb, I have been able to download amazing classes from http://www.yogadownload.com and no longer have to fork out big cash monies or race from work to get to class. I can practice in the tranquility of my own home and then flop into bed, relaxed and ready for a solid nights sleep.
And what a pleasant suprise, Mr. P has started to join me in my daily sessions. Who would have every thought?! I think the fact that he realized a few months ago that he could in NO WAY touch his feet with his fingers made the decision a little easier :)
He says he now can appreciate the athleticism required in yoga, but is not yet sure of the breathing, meditative mind and "cheesy music" of the classes. He will get there ... come little grasshopper, to the calming and peaceful world of yoga.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Hope
A few weeks ago I got a new tattoo. It was ment to be a memorial to my first angle baby, but it has taken on new meaning now in the light of the past weeks events.
I find myself looking down at it more often now and pulling from its simple lines the new meaning it has to me: Be conscious of the path I am heading on and although unforeseen circumstances may sometimes get in the way, always hold out hope.
I find myself looking down at it more often now and pulling from its simple lines the new meaning it has to me: Be conscious of the path I am heading on and although unforeseen circumstances may sometimes get in the way, always hold out hope.
Betas and Emotions
My beta HCG tests came back at a lowly 6 on Monday and were down to 2 on Wednesday. The progression this time is quick and physically painless. A slight silver lining in a totally shitty cloud.
P is now showing signs of stress and anger as well. In all honesty, I am happy to see some sort of emoting from him. He has been so seemingly detached from the whole situation since it began in April that I truly started to wonder how much he cared and how invested in this he was. But something this time has hit him. Maybe the reality of the situation, the fact that we now need medical intervention, that we both are going to be held to testing, that this whole process could yield unpredictable results.
Emotionally I am up and down.
I feel out of control. I feel helpless.
I have decided to refocus my energy into my health and well being.
I need to get this body in top baby making order.
I am going to start working out again (I fell off that wagon hard months ago).
I am ditching caffeine and alcohol as of Saturday.
I am limiting my simple carbs and sugars.
I am going back to yoga and meditation to get my mind in line.
I will regain control and I will come out of this a happy, healthy Mother.
P is now showing signs of stress and anger as well. In all honesty, I am happy to see some sort of emoting from him. He has been so seemingly detached from the whole situation since it began in April that I truly started to wonder how much he cared and how invested in this he was. But something this time has hit him. Maybe the reality of the situation, the fact that we now need medical intervention, that we both are going to be held to testing, that this whole process could yield unpredictable results.
Emotionally I am up and down.
I feel out of control. I feel helpless.
I have decided to refocus my energy into my health and well being.
I need to get this body in top baby making order.
I am going to start working out again (I fell off that wagon hard months ago).
I am ditching caffeine and alcohol as of Saturday.
I am limiting my simple carbs and sugars.
I am going back to yoga and meditation to get my mind in line.
I will regain control and I will come out of this a happy, healthy Mother.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
You know I cant help it. I have a very strong and persistent addiction to Dr. Google.
And this morning while scouring the interwebs for information about recurrent pregnancy loss, causes and treatments, I came across this wonderful site and even better flow chart:
http://www.fertilitynetwork.com/articles/articles-miscarriage.htm
Since both of my losses have been within the first trimester, I followed the paths and looked over my most likely optoins. In some strange way, knowing what the future may hold for me regarding testing and treatments has given me a calming sensation and something to hold onto, rather than being lost and in the dark.
Now clearly I still have yet to meet with my new Dr and discuss our next steps, but this little chart has given me hope and information that my mind so desperately needs.
And this morning while scouring the interwebs for information about recurrent pregnancy loss, causes and treatments, I came across this wonderful site and even better flow chart:
http://www.fertilitynetwork.com/articles/articles-miscarriage.htm
Since both of my losses have been within the first trimester, I followed the paths and looked over my most likely optoins. In some strange way, knowing what the future may hold for me regarding testing and treatments has given me a calming sensation and something to hold onto, rather than being lost and in the dark.
Now clearly I still have yet to meet with my new Dr and discuss our next steps, but this little chart has given me hope and information that my mind so desperately needs.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
And so it continues
Here I am again, in the midst of my second miscarriage in just 4 months.
We will know later this week if that is in fact the case, but all signs are pointing to another loss. I got 4 positive pregnancy tests in the last week and Sunday the bleeding started. Went for an ultrasound last night that showed nothing, and the tech was sweet and tried to reassure me that at 4wks 5dys nothing would show up, but I know it in my heart and I know what I have been seeing when I go to the washroom.
I am numb. I am disconnected. I never had my hopes up when I saw the first test go YES, I kept my guard up and now I am glad I did.
What is with my inability to maintain a pregnancy? I can seemingly conceive easily enough, its just keepting that bean in me that is the challenge. Hopefully we will get some answers next week when we meet with the fertility specialist. But truthfully I am unsure of my ability to ever become a mother.
But in some odd way of comfort, I know I am not alone. I am no exception to any rule, and that my own struggles are minute compared to others I know and love. I have friends in the throws of IUI, IVF, donor programs, hormone replacement therapies and adoptions.
All the time we are told that its as easy as blinking to get pregnant, all the fear mongering when you are younger. Its all for naught. When the time comes and you know you want a family and it seems to be just out of reach, your hear aches and your eyes swell.
I hope that all of us that are wrestling with these issues will find a family filled end to this up and down, back and forth journey.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead
I read about a gal doing a juice fast on myfitnesspal.com today and it seemed that her plan had stemmed from a documentary. So me being the docu-freak that I am, I of course bolted to youtube to check it out. And man, do I need to see this one!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
5 Weeks - 5 Lessons
5 weeks have passed since I regained control of my diet, lifestyle, eating habits and weight. And in that time I have become an avid food diarist with the help of myfitnesspal.com, I have reacquainted myself with running (and found a fantastic new site where I can track my distance, pace and frequency: runkeeper.com - LOVE IT!), and I have lost weight!
5 weeks = 5LBS
It's just the kind of slow and steady weight loss that I was hoping for and its amazing what tracking my food and eating has showed me. Here are 5 things that have become glaring clear to me now that I am aware of my food/exercise habits:
A) I drink FAR too much booze and not nearly enough water. So many of my of my calories seem to be coming from alcohol. Not good, not good, but I am also not willing to give up the sweet nectar all together unless I have to (ie: I get preggo again!), because for me this is not about deprivation, it's about moderation and lifestyle. So I have started to mind my eating on days that I want to enjoy a glass of wine, or sip a cold beer on my deck and abstain from daily drinks with lunch (hard when you work with young, feisty boys) or dinner. Its only water at meal now and its not so bad.
B) I eat FAR too much bread! I knew I loved the wheaty, carby loafs of goodness, but when you start to see how much of your daily intake is lost to a few slices of bread, it makes you think again.
C) I eat a LOT of veggies and hummus. Its clearly my staple and it shows me that while I may have some portion control and weight issues to overcome, I am at least eating the right foods ... just clearly too much of them.
D) I need to exercise more. I am attempting to run 10K a week, spread over 3 weekday runs and so far I am sticking with it. I am also upping my walking by taking the long way to the bus (I have no option other than bus and train, as I have to commute now to work) and walking the long way home. The to and from work equals out to about 20K of walking per week - not to shabby
E) I think that the exercise tracker portion of myfitnesspal.com may be on drugs. Why do I say that ... well this is why: "burned 1727 calories doing 180 minutes of "Moving household items, boxes, upstairs" Does that not seem a little high to you? I don't know but it seems off so I am not going to be tracking my exercise on the site anymore and just keep to the food logging.
So that it, a update on the last 5 weeks. Hoping the next 5 are just as positive!
5 weeks = 5LBS
It's just the kind of slow and steady weight loss that I was hoping for and its amazing what tracking my food and eating has showed me. Here are 5 things that have become glaring clear to me now that I am aware of my food/exercise habits:
A) I drink FAR too much booze and not nearly enough water. So many of my of my calories seem to be coming from alcohol. Not good, not good, but I am also not willing to give up the sweet nectar all together unless I have to (ie: I get preggo again!), because for me this is not about deprivation, it's about moderation and lifestyle. So I have started to mind my eating on days that I want to enjoy a glass of wine, or sip a cold beer on my deck and abstain from daily drinks with lunch (hard when you work with young, feisty boys) or dinner. Its only water at meal now and its not so bad.
B) I eat FAR too much bread! I knew I loved the wheaty, carby loafs of goodness, but when you start to see how much of your daily intake is lost to a few slices of bread, it makes you think again.
C) I eat a LOT of veggies and hummus. Its clearly my staple and it shows me that while I may have some portion control and weight issues to overcome, I am at least eating the right foods ... just clearly too much of them.
D) I need to exercise more. I am attempting to run 10K a week, spread over 3 weekday runs and so far I am sticking with it. I am also upping my walking by taking the long way to the bus (I have no option other than bus and train, as I have to commute now to work) and walking the long way home. The to and from work equals out to about 20K of walking per week - not to shabby
E) I think that the exercise tracker portion of myfitnesspal.com may be on drugs. Why do I say that ... well this is why: "burned 1727 calories doing 180 minutes of "Moving household items, boxes, upstairs" Does that not seem a little high to you? I don't know but it seems off so I am not going to be tracking my exercise on the site anymore and just keep to the food logging.
So that it, a update on the last 5 weeks. Hoping the next 5 are just as positive!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Processed People
The statistics are terrifying.
Two hundred million Americans are overweight and 100 million are obese. More than 75 million Americans have high blood pressure. 24 million people are diabetic. Heart disease remains the No. 1 cause of death for men and women, followed by stroke and obesity-related cancers. Obesity is about to overtake tobacco as the No. 1 cause of preventable deaths in the United States.
60% of bankruptcies are caused by what has become known as “medical debt.”
Fast food, fast medicine, fast news and fast lives have turned many Americans into a sick, uninformed, indebted, “processed” people.
Two hundred million Americans are overweight and 100 million are obese. More than 75 million Americans have high blood pressure. 24 million people are diabetic. Heart disease remains the No. 1 cause of death for men and women, followed by stroke and obesity-related cancers. Obesity is about to overtake tobacco as the No. 1 cause of preventable deaths in the United States.
60% of bankruptcies are caused by what has become known as “medical debt.”
Fast food, fast medicine, fast news and fast lives have turned many Americans into a sick, uninformed, indebted, “processed” people.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Alarming News!
Gotcha! I had to make an interesting headline no?
Well anyways, it worked - I have your attention. I wanted to make sure you all read my post below. Its form anemail I received today from EWG. They have examined the impact of Americans' eating habits on health and the environment. So here you go, the "eye-opening results"
http://breakingnews.ewg.org/meateatersguide/?utm_source=2011meateaters1&utm_medium=email&utm_content=first-link&utm_campaign=food
Well anyways, it worked - I have your attention. I wanted to make sure you all read my post below. Its form anemail I received today from EWG. They have examined the impact of Americans' eating habits on health and the environment. So here you go, the "eye-opening results"
http://breakingnews.ewg.org/meateatersguide/?utm_source=2011meateaters1&utm_medium=email&utm_content=first-link&utm_campaign=food
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Lisa the Vegetarian
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Lisa: When will all those fools learn that you can be perfectly healthy simply eating vegetables, fruits, grains and cheese.
Apu: Oh, cheese!
Lisa: You don't eat cheese, Apu
Apu: No I don't eat any food that comes from an animal.
Lisa: Ohh, then you must think I'm a monster!Apu: Yes indeed I do think that. But, I learned long ago Lisa to tolerate others rather than forcing my beliefs on them. You know you can influence people without badgering them always.
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Lisa: When will all those fools learn that you can be perfectly healthy simply eating vegetables, fruits, grains and cheese.
Apu: Oh, cheese!
Lisa: You don't eat cheese, Apu
Apu: No I don't eat any food that comes from an animal.
Lisa: Ohh, then you must think I'm a monster!Apu: Yes indeed I do think that. But, I learned long ago Lisa to tolerate others rather than forcing my beliefs on them. You know you can influence people without badgering them always.
A Very Cool Idea
How many of you would think that you could avoid a grocery store for a year? Sound crazy right? Well maybe not so much, and after reading this I think that it may actually be more doable than not.
http://www.takepart.com/news/2011/06/24/family-of-three-pledges-no-grocery-stores-for-a-year
http://www.takepart.com/news/2011/06/24/family-of-three-pledges-no-grocery-stores-for-a-year
Friday, July 15, 2011
Now THIS is what a Woman should look like
Not a twig with no shape, not a hard, cut athletic figure, but someone with curves, who is toned and soft, with hips and a bust ... this is my inspiration.
This is British glamour model Kelly Brooks and she is what women should feel to look like ... not this:
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Reality Check - July 14, 2011
Looks like I have a ways to go ... but me at 94 lbs would just gross, so I am aiming for 115, been there before and looked great.
So far the 1200 cal per day diet has been pretty easy, and its been great for me to really see what I have been eating and what my habits have been. I seem to be over on my sugars almost daily due to fruit, so I am not beating myself up over that at all. Carbs and fats have been in check every days and on those days that I have been over on calories, its been due to alcohol.
So bye, bye booze, its been fun, but we have to break up for a bit.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Love is in the air ...
Woooooo! Hubby and I got HITCHED! Thanks to a Little While Chapel on the Las Vegas Strip - July 7,2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Eating Below your BMR?
BMR for those who may not know is your Basal Metabolic Rate, which is an estimate of how many calories you'd burn if you were to do nothing but rest for 24 hours. It represents the minimum amount of energy needed to keep your body functioning, including breathing and keeping your heart beating.
Your BMR does not include the calories you burn from normal daily activities or exercise.
Now here is my question; Why would www.myfitnesspal.com tell me that my daily goal for weight loss should be 1,200 cal/day when my BMR is 1,292 cal/day??
This strikes me as odd, so off to Dr. Google I go, and this is what I find:
1) Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) – the amount of energy your body needs to stay alive, just lying still, without moving. This makes up the bulk of one’s metabolic cost.
2) Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR) – this is the amount of energy you expand in staying alive (BMR) and carrying out your daily activities, without any training or exercise.
3) Maintenance – this is the total amount of calories you actually burn in a day, factoring in all activity.
Here’s the deal: eat at or below BMR if you want to lose fat.
To lose fat, eat less than you burn. To gain or maintain muscle, increase your training intensity with each successive session
Interesting ...
My thoughts: This makes sense and is a great way to jump start initial fat loss, however to maintain this you would simply waste away.
Yes, No? Maybe I'm wrong and I'll have to review this again once I get to my target weight.
Regardless, for the foreseeable futures I will be sticking to my 1,200 cal per day eating plan (which really is not that hard at all when I can see it all laid out for me - yay for accountability!), but it does seem to me like something is amiss here for the long term.
Your BMR does not include the calories you burn from normal daily activities or exercise.
Now here is my question; Why would www.myfitnesspal.com tell me that my daily goal for weight loss should be 1,200 cal/day when my BMR is 1,292 cal/day??
This strikes me as odd, so off to Dr. Google I go, and this is what I find:
1) Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) – the amount of energy your body needs to stay alive, just lying still, without moving. This makes up the bulk of one’s metabolic cost.
2) Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR) – this is the amount of energy you expand in staying alive (BMR) and carrying out your daily activities, without any training or exercise.
3) Maintenance – this is the total amount of calories you actually burn in a day, factoring in all activity.
Here’s the deal: eat at or below BMR if you want to lose fat.
To lose fat, eat less than you burn. To gain or maintain muscle, increase your training intensity with each successive session
Interesting ...
My thoughts: This makes sense and is a great way to jump start initial fat loss, however to maintain this you would simply waste away.
Yes, No? Maybe I'm wrong and I'll have to review this again once I get to my target weight.
Regardless, for the foreseeable futures I will be sticking to my 1,200 cal per day eating plan (which really is not that hard at all when I can see it all laid out for me - yay for accountability!), but it does seem to me like something is amiss here for the long term.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Lifestyle Overhaul Day #2
Well, its Day #2 of the Lifestyle Overhaul and so far, so good.
In an attempt to reign in my overeating and continue to give myself a massive dose of reality, I started searching out apps for diet/food journaling. Most seeming cost a few bucks, uh ya no - not interested in paying for a basic tool thanks. But then I found this handy little dude which has both an online site and mobile app, both of which are FREE.
Now we're talking. And this little dude is dead easy to use. The more complicated things like this are the more prone to tossing them I become so simplicity is key.
For me its all about portion control and accountability. I am a massive snacker and if left to my own vices I would absentmindedly eat all night long only yo end up a 200lb heifer. No thanks, been close enough before to know that is not a pretty sight.
So if there are some of you out there that like me, need to be real about what you are putting in your face and think that keeping a food diary would be helpful then check out this site, and like I said above, it has mobile apps so you can keep track of you mowing while away from the computer, which I really need to do more of as well.
Skinny jeans here I come!
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/
In an attempt to reign in my overeating and continue to give myself a massive dose of reality, I started searching out apps for diet/food journaling. Most seeming cost a few bucks, uh ya no - not interested in paying for a basic tool thanks. But then I found this handy little dude which has both an online site and mobile app, both of which are FREE.
Now we're talking. And this little dude is dead easy to use. The more complicated things like this are the more prone to tossing them I become so simplicity is key.
For me its all about portion control and accountability. I am a massive snacker and if left to my own vices I would absentmindedly eat all night long only yo end up a 200lb heifer. No thanks, been close enough before to know that is not a pretty sight.
So if there are some of you out there that like me, need to be real about what you are putting in your face and think that keeping a food diary would be helpful then check out this site, and like I said above, it has mobile apps so you can keep track of you mowing while away from the computer, which I really need to do more of as well.
Skinny jeans here I come!
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Yikes. Reality check time grrl!
So it’s safe to say that since my return to Canada 9 months ago, I have become a lazy fat-ass.
I came home from my travels much slimmer than when I left and clearly being on the move in the never-ending humidity, carrying a 20Kg bag and chain smoking for 4 months sliced off a few pounds. But it is also clear that upon my return my eating and exercist habits went into the dumpster and when I found out I was pregnant in February I took massive license to pig out, and ditch my trice weekly gym dates.
I am heavier now that I have been in over 6 years and it’s gross and it makes me mad that I let this happen. I went to try on bathing suits today in anticipation of my AnniVEGASversay vacation next week and was disgusted. Cellulite and dimples all over my thighs and butt, muffin top oozing out everywhere, abs non-existent and hidden under rolls of fat, arm fat flapping with every move; a royal mess. It was horrifying.
Why only today I was able to see this boggles the mind. I look at myself buck-ass nekkid everyday, however I never realized that shit was getting WAY outta control. Sure I knew the jeans were getting tighter and the baggy shirts were being dragged out from the back of the closet, but damnit, reality didn’t hit until a few hours ago.
So here I go again. Back on the trusty GI Lifestyle, the single most effective way for me to manage my weight. It worked before and I dropped 50 lbs slowly and without drastic or crazy diet tricks, and I keep it off until just a year go.
Damn you bread and wine. DAMN YOU!! You will no longer make my ass dimply, my thigh doughy or make my bingo wings wave in the breeze. These things are of the past and I will find my 26 inch waist again, I will get into to my ridiculously hawt aqua, zipper adorned size 4 Guess? pants, OH YES, this will be done.
So eff this – I am back in control. I got this. ITS GO TIME!
I came home from my travels much slimmer than when I left and clearly being on the move in the never-ending humidity, carrying a 20Kg bag and chain smoking for 4 months sliced off a few pounds. But it is also clear that upon my return my eating and exercist habits went into the dumpster and when I found out I was pregnant in February I took massive license to pig out, and ditch my trice weekly gym dates.
I am heavier now that I have been in over 6 years and it’s gross and it makes me mad that I let this happen. I went to try on bathing suits today in anticipation of my AnniVEGASversay vacation next week and was disgusted. Cellulite and dimples all over my thighs and butt, muffin top oozing out everywhere, abs non-existent and hidden under rolls of fat, arm fat flapping with every move; a royal mess. It was horrifying.
Why only today I was able to see this boggles the mind. I look at myself buck-ass nekkid everyday, however I never realized that shit was getting WAY outta control. Sure I knew the jeans were getting tighter and the baggy shirts were being dragged out from the back of the closet, but damnit, reality didn’t hit until a few hours ago.
So here I go again. Back on the trusty GI Lifestyle, the single most effective way for me to manage my weight. It worked before and I dropped 50 lbs slowly and without drastic or crazy diet tricks, and I keep it off until just a year go.
Damn you bread and wine. DAMN YOU!! You will no longer make my ass dimply, my thigh doughy or make my bingo wings wave in the breeze. These things are of the past and I will find my 26 inch waist again, I will get into to my ridiculously hawt aqua, zipper adorned size 4 Guess? pants, OH YES, this will be done.
So eff this – I am back in control. I got this. ITS GO TIME!
MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods
Monday, June 13, 2011
Wise Words from Tera Warner & Alex Ortner
There are the three big reasons for why most "diet" and weight loss programs don't work and
just lead people into a rebounding roller coaster with their food and their weight.
1. You'll never get thin as long as you feel fat.
We've proven by now that there's more to "you" than your meat and bones. The thoughts you think,
your relationships, attitude toward life have a HUGE impact on your overall health.
The fact is, as long as you feel fat, you'll never get thin. The image you hold of yourself is the one you're walking into. You've got to start changing that image NOW to really be able to change your personal shape and appearance!
Any program that doesn't address your attitudetoward yourself, your body and life in general,
isn't worth a dime! It's just not going to work.
2. What good is being "skinny" if you're SICK?
Most programs out there focus on counting calories, carbs, and grams of fat, etc. but they have completely overlooked the nutritional value and quality of the foods they're eating.
What good is a calorie-reduced brownie and lasagna in a small portion, if it contributes to diabetes, asthma, chronic bowel issues and feeds cancer!?
When you're feeding yourself the foods your body really needs...
When you're eating unprocessed, whole foods the way nature served them up...
...cravings disappear and you lose your addictive relationship to salty, sweet, and fatty processed foods that pack on the pounds and leave you feeling
terrible.
When your body finds what it really needs, it will stop looking and start letting go of the excess weight. You'll start to look younger and feel better than ever before almost effortlessly.
Your cravings will disappear, and you'll stop fighting your body and start listening to what it really wants.
3. You need help and new habits.
After a lifetime of creating not-so-healthy habits, it takes more than wishful thinking and carrot sticks to make lasting health changes.
It takes courage, persistence, determination, dedication and...
...it takes support.
Sometimes just the fact that someone else believes in your ability to change your life is the inspiration you need to make it happen.
Life is not easy, and in our instant-gratification society most people are hooked into their iphone more than their heartbeat these days.
To make new habits stick in our fast-paced world, we need a clear structure, a rhythm--something we can rely on to stabilize us in an increasingly unstable world.
A helping hand and a clear, organized system can be the most important ingredients to your long term success!!"
So…
How would your life be different if you had someone who believes in you and a system to put in place the healthy habits you know you could be doing?
Find out this summer by going here:
www.rawfor30days.com/Get_Bikini_Ready
To your bikini body success!
just lead people into a rebounding roller coaster with their food and their weight.
1. You'll never get thin as long as you feel fat.
We've proven by now that there's more to "you" than your meat and bones. The thoughts you think,
your relationships, attitude toward life have a HUGE impact on your overall health.
The fact is, as long as you feel fat, you'll never get thin. The image you hold of yourself is the one you're walking into. You've got to start changing that image NOW to really be able to change your personal shape and appearance!
Any program that doesn't address your attitudetoward yourself, your body and life in general,
isn't worth a dime! It's just not going to work.
2. What good is being "skinny" if you're SICK?
Most programs out there focus on counting calories, carbs, and grams of fat, etc. but they have completely overlooked the nutritional value and quality of the foods they're eating.
What good is a calorie-reduced brownie and lasagna in a small portion, if it contributes to diabetes, asthma, chronic bowel issues and feeds cancer!?
When you're feeding yourself the foods your body really needs...
When you're eating unprocessed, whole foods the way nature served them up...
...cravings disappear and you lose your addictive relationship to salty, sweet, and fatty processed foods that pack on the pounds and leave you feeling
terrible.
When your body finds what it really needs, it will stop looking and start letting go of the excess weight. You'll start to look younger and feel better than ever before almost effortlessly.
Your cravings will disappear, and you'll stop fighting your body and start listening to what it really wants.
3. You need help and new habits.
After a lifetime of creating not-so-healthy habits, it takes more than wishful thinking and carrot sticks to make lasting health changes.
It takes courage, persistence, determination, dedication and...
...it takes support.
Sometimes just the fact that someone else believes in your ability to change your life is the inspiration you need to make it happen.
Life is not easy, and in our instant-gratification society most people are hooked into their iphone more than their heartbeat these days.
To make new habits stick in our fast-paced world, we need a clear structure, a rhythm--something we can rely on to stabilize us in an increasingly unstable world.
A helping hand and a clear, organized system can be the most important ingredients to your long term success!!"
So…
How would your life be different if you had someone who believes in you and a system to put in place the healthy habits you know you could be doing?
Find out this summer by going here:
www.rawfor30days.com/Get_Bikini_Ready
To your bikini body success!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
What is Normal?
I feel bad, bad that I don’t feel bad today.
I feel OK.
Not great, not ready to skip down the street singing show tunes, but OK.
I am not distressed, not crying, not unable to get up and out of bed.
This morning I made my own coffee and breakfast. Haven't done that in a few days.
I am not smiling, not happy.
I am in physical pain, but still not really sure what I feel in my head and my heart. I kind of don’t feel anything.
I feel like working, or going for a walk.
I don't feel like sitting in the house anymore thinking, watching endless TV trying to keep my mind busy.
I don't feel like cleaning or doing laundry as a distraction from reality.
Is this the numb feeling I keep reading about? Is this normal? What is normal for this process, is there any normal?
I feel OK.
Not great, not ready to skip down the street singing show tunes, but OK.
I am not distressed, not crying, not unable to get up and out of bed.
This morning I made my own coffee and breakfast. Haven't done that in a few days.
I am not smiling, not happy.
I am in physical pain, but still not really sure what I feel in my head and my heart. I kind of don’t feel anything.
I feel like working, or going for a walk.
I don't feel like sitting in the house anymore thinking, watching endless TV trying to keep my mind busy.
I don't feel like cleaning or doing laundry as a distraction from reality.
Is this the numb feeling I keep reading about? Is this normal? What is normal for this process, is there any normal?
Sunday, April 10, 2011
What NOT to say
There are times when silence speaks louder than words. And right now that is one of those times.
I am navigating one of the hardest paths I have ever been put on, and not one that I know anything of. However, over the last 5 days it has become clear that no words can take away the hurt, anger, sadness or pain. Time and tears will do that.
And over the last 5 days, as family and friends struggle to offer support and words of condolence & advice it has become clear:
If you are not sure what to say to someone who is/has experienced a pregnancy loss or miscarriage, that is fine. I don't expect you have have answers.
If you have walked this path before, I now understand you pain, BUT do not offer advice or tell tales of your experience. Let me come to you when I am ready, as your stories do not make my feelings go away or any easier to bare.
This is not about anyone other than us, the mommy and daddy of the lost angel. In all honesty, I don't really care about how this is affecting you or how you are feeling. I hardly know how I am feeling.
What I need is silent support and love.
What I don't need is to hear ANY of the following:
At least you know you can get pregnant
It was for the best
You don’t want a child with special needs
Now you can lose some weight
It wasn’t meant to be
Have a drink and relax
You’ll get over it
Now you can save more money and buy a house
Well, you are older …
There is nothing you can say that is going to make me feel better. This experience is horrible, sad, unfair, and there are no words to ease the pain.
So please, just leave it at I'm sorry and give me a hug. That is all I need right now.
I am navigating one of the hardest paths I have ever been put on, and not one that I know anything of. However, over the last 5 days it has become clear that no words can take away the hurt, anger, sadness or pain. Time and tears will do that.
And over the last 5 days, as family and friends struggle to offer support and words of condolence & advice it has become clear:
If you are not sure what to say to someone who is/has experienced a pregnancy loss or miscarriage, that is fine. I don't expect you have have answers.
If you have walked this path before, I now understand you pain, BUT do not offer advice or tell tales of your experience. Let me come to you when I am ready, as your stories do not make my feelings go away or any easier to bare.
This is not about anyone other than us, the mommy and daddy of the lost angel. In all honesty, I don't really care about how this is affecting you or how you are feeling. I hardly know how I am feeling.
What I need is silent support and love.
What I don't need is to hear ANY of the following:
At least you know you can get pregnant
It was for the best
You don’t want a child with special needs
Now you can lose some weight
It wasn’t meant to be
Have a drink and relax
You’ll get over it
Now you can save more money and buy a house
Well, you are older …
There is nothing you can say that is going to make me feel better. This experience is horrible, sad, unfair, and there are no words to ease the pain.
So please, just leave it at I'm sorry and give me a hug. That is all I need right now.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Sadness & Tears
Dear Baby,
When we found out you would be a part of our lives we were very excited. It was too hard to not share the news with friends and family and soon everyone knew about you. But now we have found out that you have already gone to heaven. We had no idea. Mommy & Daddy are very sad. There are so many questions, so many things we wanted to know about you, that we just can't know. Would you have been a boy or a girl, what color hair and eyes would you have? Would you be laid back or would you be full of energy and mischief? What would you like and be like as you grew? Everyday there are more questions, for now they must go unanswered.
We will miss you deeply and always remember you. Even though the time was short, you were a part of our life, and an important one, a life changing one. We will talk about you and your sisters and brothers will know who you where. You were briefly in our lives, but will be forever in our family. We hold hope that we will meet you one day.
Much Love,
Mommy.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Know The Ingredients
Newsletter from Environmental Working Group popped int my inbox this morning with a few tips that I thought were worth passing along:
Most people use around 10 personal care products every day, with an average of 126 different ingredients. We'd like to believe that the government is policing the safety of all of the concoctions we put on our bodies, but it's not. Instead, these unregulated products pose uncertain dangers for our health and our environment.
How to read a label
Every personal care product must list its ingredients. Here's how to navigate the label:
Start at the end, with preservatives. Avoid:
Words ending in "paraben"
DMDM hydantoin
Imidazolidinyl urea
Methylchloroisothiazolinone
Methylisothiazolinone
Triclosan
Triclocarban
Triethanolamine (or "TEA")
Check the beginning of the ingredients lists, where soaps, surfactants, and lubricants show up.
Try to avoid ingredients that start with "PEG" or have an "-eth" in the middle (e.g., sodium laureth sulfate).
Read the ingredients in the middle. Look for these words: "FRAGRANCE," "FD&C," or "D&C."
For grown-ups
Many parents pay more attention to their kids' environmental health than their own, but adult bodies can be affected by toxic chemicals, too. EWG's Safer Shopping List has nine common-sense tips to reduce everyone's exposures. For instance, buy fragrance-free, skip the nail polish and use fewer products.
Just for kids
Extra caution is in order for kids because, pound for pound, they are exposed to more contaminants in everyday products than adults. Their immature metabolism and organ systems are typically less capable of fending off chemical assaults. Even subtle damage to young bodies can lead to disease later in life.
Follow EWG's top five tips for kids:
Use fewer products and use them less often.
Don't trust ad hype. Check ingredients.
Buy fragrance-free products.
Avoid the use of baby powder.
Always avoid EWG's top six chemicals of concern for kids:
2-Bromo-2-Nitropropane-1,3 Diol
BHA
Boric acid and sodium borate
DMDM Hydantoin
Oxybenzone
Triclosan
Thursday, March 24, 2011
READ Before You Speak Please
In response to some soy nonsense sent my way on Facebook today:
Please read this before you go off commenting on soy and how it is the devil. Read up on all ideas and all sides before you start casting out comments and criticisms.
The China Study
The science is clear. The results are unmistakable.
Change your diet and dramatically reduce the risk of cancer, diabetes, heart disease and obesity.
Respected nutrition and health researcher, Dr. T. Colin Campbell reveals the truth behind special interest groups, government entities and scientists that have taken Americans down a deadly path
Even today, as the low-carb craze sweeps the nation, two-thirds of adults are still obese and children are being diagnosed with Type II diabetes, typically an "adult" disease, at an alarming rate. If we're eating healthier, why are Americans stricken with heart disease as much as we were 30 years ago?
Drawing on the project findings in rural China, but going far beyond those findings, The China Study details the connection between nutrition and heart disease, diabetes and cancer. The report also examines the source of nutritional confusion produced by powerful lobbies, government entities, and opportunistic scientists. The New York Times has recognized the study (China-Oxford-Cornell Diet and Health Project) as the "Grand Prix of epidemiology" and the "most comprehensive large study ever undertaken of the relationship between diet and the risk of developing disease."
"After a long career in research and policy-making, I have decided to step 'out of the system'. I have decided to disclose why Americans are so confused," said Dr. Campbell. "As a taxpayer who foots the bill for research and health policy in America, you deserve to know that many of the common notions you have been told about food, health and disease are wrong."
"I propose to do nothing less than redefine what we think of as good nutrition. You need to know the truth about food, and why eating the right way can save your life."
Early in his career as a researcher with MIT and Virginia Tech, Dr. Campbell worked to promote better health by eating more meat, milk and eggs -- "high-quality animal protein ... It was an obvious sequel to my own life on the farm and I was happy to believe that the American diet was the best in the world."
He later was a researcher on a project in the Philippines working with malnourished children. The project became an investigation for Dr. Campbell, as to why so many Filipino children were being diagnosed with liver cancer, predominately an adult disease. The primary goal of the project was to ensure that the children were getting as much protein as possible.
"In this project, however, I uncovered a dark secret. Children who ate the highest protein diets were the ones most likely to get liver cancer..." He began to review other reports from around the world that reflected the findings of his research in the Philippines.
Although it was "heretical to say that protein wasn't healthy," he started an in-depth study into the role of nutrition, especially protein, in the cause of cancer.
The research project culminated in a 20-year partnership of Cornell University, Oxford University, and the Chinese Academy of Preventive Medicine, a survey of diseases and lifestyle factors in rural China and Taiwan. More commonly known as the China Study, "this project eventually produced more than 8000 statistically significant associations between various dietary factors and disease."
The findings? "People who ate the most animal-based foods got the most chronic disease ... People who ate the most plant-based foods were the healthiest and tended to avoid chronic disease. These results could not be ignored," said Dr. Campbell.
In The China Study, Dr. Campbell details the connection between nutrition and heart disease, diabetes, and cancer, and also its ability to reduce or reverse the risk or effects of these deadly illnesses. The China Study also examines the source of nutritional confusion produced by powerful lobbies, government entities, and irresponsible scientists.
The China Study is not a diet book. Consumers are bombarded with conflicting messages regarding health and nutrition; the market is flooded with popular titles like The Atkins Diet and The South Beach Diet. The China Study cuts through the haze of misinformation and delivers an insightful message to anyone living with cancer, diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and those concerned with the effects of aging. Additionally, he challenges the validity of these low-carb fad diets and issues a startling warning to their followers.
And while you are at it read this too:
The Food Revolution: How Your Diet Can Help Save Your Life And Our World
“Like blades of grass bursting through a crack in a thick slab of concrete, something is seeking to break through the walls we have put between us and our kinship with the Earth. It is the awesome power of Creation itself. It is the same force that turns the tides, brings rain to parched earth, entices the bee to the flower, and ignites new life in countless species.
Maybe we aren’t on a one-way road to oblivion. Maybe we’re standing at a crossroad, facing what may be the most important choice human beings have ever faced, a choice between two directions. In one direction is what we will have if we do nothing to alter our present course. By doing nothing, we are choosing a world of pollution and extinctions, of widening chasms and deepening despair, a world where humanity moves ever farther from achieving its highest aspirations and ever nearer to living its darkest fears.”
Please read this before you go off commenting on soy and how it is the devil. Read up on all ideas and all sides before you start casting out comments and criticisms.
The China Study
The science is clear. The results are unmistakable.
Change your diet and dramatically reduce the risk of cancer, diabetes, heart disease and obesity.
Respected nutrition and health researcher, Dr. T. Colin Campbell reveals the truth behind special interest groups, government entities and scientists that have taken Americans down a deadly path
Even today, as the low-carb craze sweeps the nation, two-thirds of adults are still obese and children are being diagnosed with Type II diabetes, typically an "adult" disease, at an alarming rate. If we're eating healthier, why are Americans stricken with heart disease as much as we were 30 years ago?
Drawing on the project findings in rural China, but going far beyond those findings, The China Study details the connection between nutrition and heart disease, diabetes and cancer. The report also examines the source of nutritional confusion produced by powerful lobbies, government entities, and opportunistic scientists. The New York Times has recognized the study (China-Oxford-Cornell Diet and Health Project) as the "Grand Prix of epidemiology" and the "most comprehensive large study ever undertaken of the relationship between diet and the risk of developing disease."
"After a long career in research and policy-making, I have decided to step 'out of the system'. I have decided to disclose why Americans are so confused," said Dr. Campbell. "As a taxpayer who foots the bill for research and health policy in America, you deserve to know that many of the common notions you have been told about food, health and disease are wrong."
"I propose to do nothing less than redefine what we think of as good nutrition. You need to know the truth about food, and why eating the right way can save your life."
Early in his career as a researcher with MIT and Virginia Tech, Dr. Campbell worked to promote better health by eating more meat, milk and eggs -- "high-quality animal protein ... It was an obvious sequel to my own life on the farm and I was happy to believe that the American diet was the best in the world."
He later was a researcher on a project in the Philippines working with malnourished children. The project became an investigation for Dr. Campbell, as to why so many Filipino children were being diagnosed with liver cancer, predominately an adult disease. The primary goal of the project was to ensure that the children were getting as much protein as possible.
"In this project, however, I uncovered a dark secret. Children who ate the highest protein diets were the ones most likely to get liver cancer..." He began to review other reports from around the world that reflected the findings of his research in the Philippines.
Although it was "heretical to say that protein wasn't healthy," he started an in-depth study into the role of nutrition, especially protein, in the cause of cancer.
The research project culminated in a 20-year partnership of Cornell University, Oxford University, and the Chinese Academy of Preventive Medicine, a survey of diseases and lifestyle factors in rural China and Taiwan. More commonly known as the China Study, "this project eventually produced more than 8000 statistically significant associations between various dietary factors and disease."
The findings? "People who ate the most animal-based foods got the most chronic disease ... People who ate the most plant-based foods were the healthiest and tended to avoid chronic disease. These results could not be ignored," said Dr. Campbell.
In The China Study, Dr. Campbell details the connection between nutrition and heart disease, diabetes, and cancer, and also its ability to reduce or reverse the risk or effects of these deadly illnesses. The China Study also examines the source of nutritional confusion produced by powerful lobbies, government entities, and irresponsible scientists.
The China Study is not a diet book. Consumers are bombarded with conflicting messages regarding health and nutrition; the market is flooded with popular titles like The Atkins Diet and The South Beach Diet. The China Study cuts through the haze of misinformation and delivers an insightful message to anyone living with cancer, diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and those concerned with the effects of aging. Additionally, he challenges the validity of these low-carb fad diets and issues a startling warning to their followers.
And while you are at it read this too:
The Food Revolution: How Your Diet Can Help Save Your Life And Our World
“Like blades of grass bursting through a crack in a thick slab of concrete, something is seeking to break through the walls we have put between us and our kinship with the Earth. It is the awesome power of Creation itself. It is the same force that turns the tides, brings rain to parched earth, entices the bee to the flower, and ignites new life in countless species.
Maybe we aren’t on a one-way road to oblivion. Maybe we’re standing at a crossroad, facing what may be the most important choice human beings have ever faced, a choice between two directions. In one direction is what we will have if we do nothing to alter our present course. By doing nothing, we are choosing a world of pollution and extinctions, of widening chasms and deepening despair, a world where humanity moves ever farther from achieving its highest aspirations and ever nearer to living its darkest fears.”
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
VEGAN Bucket List
What a GREAT IDEA!!!
How many can you check off March 22, 2011? I'm making a goal of getting another 5 under my belt before years end:
How many can you check off March 22, 2011? I'm making a goal of getting another 5 under my belt before years end:
- Swim in the greenhouse pool then dine at the Ravens' Restaurant at the Stanford Inn in Mendocino, Calif.
- Join the cookie/brownie/fudge-of-the-month club at Allison's Gourmet.
- Ask your (non-vegan) family or friends to try a vegan meal, day, or week. It's the perfect birthday gift!
- Hear former cattle rancher-turned-vegan, Howard Lyman, speak.
Eat a veggie dog from a street cart in Vancouver, BC.- Write a letter to a vegan activist who is in prison.
- Visit Portland, Ore.’s vegan mini-mall. Leave with a tattoo, cookie, message t-shirt, and a few snacks for the road.
- Perfect a signature tofu scramble.
- Meet your vegan superhero. Whether it’s Gene Baur, John Salley, Kathy Freston, Wayne Pacelle, or Tal Ronnen, go to one of your favorite star’s public events and thank them for their work.
Accept that your veganism is bigger than you and your circumstances. Don’t get bummed about it.- Devour a cowvin cookie at Sticky Fingers Bakery in Washington, DC.
- Splurge on a beautiful Matt & Nat bag that you can carry with pride for many years to come.
Take a VegNews Vacation to India. Or Thailand. Or…I travelled all over South East ASia as a vegan last year, does that count?Be vegan until 6pm, and then stay vegan until the following day. Repeat.- Have a pizza bake-off with every vegan cheese to discover your favorite.
- Design your perfect custom cinnamon roll at Cinnaholic in Berkeley, Calif.
- Rub a pig’s belly at Los Angeles’ Animal Acres or New York’s Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary.
- Work with local businesses to add more vegan options to their menus.
- Veganize your grandmother’s favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe. Then share with everyone.
- Host a cruelty-free Halloween party with caramel apples, spiced (and spiked) apple cider, and pumpkin carving.
- Dine at Candle 79 in New York and Millennium in San Francisco, not on the same night. Go with people whom you truly adore, and feast on appetizers, salads, entrees, drinks, and desserts (multiples of each). Share everything so you get to taste it all!
- Become a vegan myth-busting machine—even if you never need to bust vegan myths.
- Attempt to work out as hard as Brendan Brazier, Kenneth Williams, Tonya Kay, Robert Cheeke, or Scott Jurek.
- Read The Face on Your Plate when you need a little extra information about animals and why they are too amazing to eat.
- Order a Vegan Treats’ Peanut Butter Bomb cake to celebrate your birthday.
Give fun vegan gifts such as cookbooks, baked goods, Vegan Etsy jewelry, and wine every chance you get.- Take a vegan tour of Los Angeles stopping at Eko Zone, Pure Luck, Shojin, Real Food Daily,Native Foods Café, Veggie Grill, to start.
- Sail the Caribbean, practice morning yoga, and visit exciting ports of call on the all-veganHolistic Holiday at Sea.
- Try vegan ethnic food, such as Filipino, Korean, or Sri Lankan.
Inspire at least one person to become vegan. My Dad has been vegan since Jan 1, 2011!!!!!- Trek to Toronto in September for the annual Vegetarian Food Fair.
- Devour the Portobello Stack with red potatoes and cauliflower mash at Sublime in Ft. Lauderdale.
- Purchase 1,000 Vegan Recipes by Robin Robertson and never have to buy another vegan cookbook again.
- Volunteer for Food Not Bombs. It doesn’t get much better than providing hungry people with free vegan food.
- Make the VegNews Mac & Cheese. It changes lives.
- Hold a Vegan Bake Sale for your favorite animal charity.
- Grab the ‘D’s BBQ Joint wrap at Seattle’s Hillside Quickie and have a picnic at nearbyVolunteer Park.
Don’t judge meat-eaters. They’ll just stop listening to you.- Eat kale daily.
Join Twitter and Facebook, follow or friend a bunch of your non-vegan acquaintances, and send along great recipes, videos of cute farm animals, and timely vegan news.- Attend the North American Vegetarian Society’s Vegetarian Summerfest conference.
Help the environment by opting for a bicycle or running shoes over a car.- Savor the four-course open-to-the-public Friday night dinner at NYC’s Natural Gourmet Institute.
- Remind your non-vegan loved ones that if it’s good enough for President Clinton, it’s good enough for them.
Cook an entirely vegan holiday dinner for your friends and family.- Start a balcony herb garden.
- Visit MooShoes in The Big Apple and purchase a truly fabulous pair of vegan footwear, then march in the annual Veggie Pride Parade.
- Order a custom-made birthday cake from San Francisco’s MaggieMudd ice cream shop.
Rekindle your childhood love of PB&J.- Create something that helps humans feel compassion for animals: a video game, children’s book, ‘zine, novel, movie, or blog will do!
- Vacation at the all-vegan The Lodge in Grenada.
- Get caught up on your veg-friendly reads by joining the VegNews Book Club.
- Eat at both Native Bowl and Homegrown Smoker vegan food carts in Portland, Ore.
- Donate all your non-vegan clothes to charity.
- Try Chicago Soydairy’s mozzarella sticks. Recover blown mind.
Read or re-read John Robbins’ timeless classic, Diet for a New America.- Go on a Vegas-style bender at Ronald’s Donuts. Bring on the bear claws, old-fashioned, and chocolate-dipped doughnuts!
- Adopt a turkey in November, then savor Native Foods Café’s Wellington for Thanksgiving.
- Host movie nights and show Bold Native, Forks Over Knives, and Babe.
- Attend a volunteer night at the PETA headquarters in Norfolk, Va.
- Eat a huge vegan sundae at Lula’s Sweet Apothecary in New York City.
- Send a vegan care package.
- Make your own seitan sausages, in every flavor you can imagine.
- Become a vegan hostess extraordinaire by throwing holiday parties, brunches, bonfires, barbecues, fondue nights, and so on.
- Take a Wanderbird Cruise to Alaska or the Caribbean.
- Spend an afternoon handing out Vegan Outreach’s “Why Vegan?” brochures.
- Attend the Texas State Veggie Fair, then head to Spiral Diner for amazing vegan eats, deep in the heart of Texas.
- Spend a week at The Gentle Gourmet B&B in Paris.
Read Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer.Memorize five quick comebacks to the question “Where do you get your protein?”- Read Crazy Sexy Diet, and see if you don’t turn into a green-juice drinker. We dare you.
- Devour soft-serve ice cream from New England’s Like No Udder, the world’s first vegan ice cream truck.
- Write a well-thought-out letter to the editor promoting veganism.
Have your vitamin D and B12 levels tested.- Start a Vegan Drinks meet-up in your hometown and get to know your local vegans, boozily.
- Demolish the garlic fries at San Francisco’s AT&T Park. Brush teeth.
- Take a cooking class at Spork Foods in West Hollywood.
- Attend a Farm Sanctuary Hoe Down, then book a few extra nights at the sanctuary’s B&B.
Own at least one cookbook by Isa Chandra Moskowitz, Colleen Patrick-Goudreau, and Ani Phyo.- Visit the Chicago Diner and feast on the tempeh Reuben, mashed potatoes, and cookie dough peanut butter milkshake.
- Find a vegan restaurant in every city you visit, no matter how remote!
- Study the history of the women’s, civil rights’, gay rights’, or any other social-justice movement that has bettered the lives of beings who were once treated as property. Learn from them!
- Watch Earthlings at least once. Then, if you feel yourself getting burned out or losing your drive for veganism, watch it again.
- Eat beignets and the chocolate soufflé at Madeline Bistro in Los Angeles.
- Write to Food Network and request more vegan content.
- Make soup in five minutes flat using a Vita-Mix blender.
- Rescue a companion animal.
- Keep warm in a winter coat from Vaute Couture.
- Donate money to your favorite animal charities.
- Try Justin’s Chocolate Hazelnut Butter. Then try not to put it on every single thing you eat.
- Volunteer to muck out stalls at the Catskill Animal Sanctuary or Animal Place.
- Attend (or, even better yet, have!) a vegan wedding.
- Read every issue of VegNews ever published.
- Attend the Genesis Awards. It’s swanky, fun, and you can actually see a difference being made—not to mention rub elbows with fancy Hollywood types.
- Admire the work of your favorite vegan artist. (Don’t have one yet? Check out Gretchen Ryan,Peter Max, or Sunaura Taylor.)
- Study T. Colin Campbell’s The China Study as if your life depended on it.
- Make your own dim sum! It’s stupendously satisfying, not to mention delicious.
- Pen your own vegan manifesto. Keep it in a place that’s easy to see, just in case you need at reminder.
- Stay at the Vegetarian Country House Hotel in England’s Lake District.
Snatched from: These are the 99 things you must absolutely do, eat, and see.
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