Monday, April 18, 2011

Meatless Monday ... UNICORN?!


It’s Meatless Monday again! Pass it on to the omnis.

Monday, April 11, 2011

What is Normal?

I feel bad, bad that I don’t feel bad today.

I feel OK.

Not great, not ready to skip down the street singing show tunes, but OK.

I am not distressed, not crying, not unable to get up and out of bed.

This morning I made my own coffee and breakfast. Haven't done that in a few days.

I am not smiling, not happy.

I am in physical pain, but still not really sure what I feel in my head and my heart. I kind of don’t feel anything.

I feel like working, or going for a walk.

I don't feel like sitting in the house anymore thinking, watching endless TV trying to keep my mind busy.

I don't feel like cleaning or doing laundry as a distraction from reality.

Is this the numb feeling I keep reading about? Is this normal? What is normal for this process, is there any normal?

Sunday, April 10, 2011

What NOT to say

There are times when silence speaks louder than words. And right now that is one of those times.

I am navigating one of the hardest paths I have ever been put on, and not one that I know anything of. However, over the last 5 days it has become clear that no words can take away the hurt, anger, sadness or pain. Time and tears will do that.

And over the last 5 days, as family and friends struggle to offer support and words of condolence & advice it has become clear:

If you are not sure what to say to someone who is/has experienced a pregnancy loss or miscarriage, that is fine. I don't expect you have have answers.

If you have walked this path before, I now understand you pain, BUT do not offer advice or tell tales of your experience. Let me come to you when I am ready, as your stories do not make my feelings go away or any easier to bare.

This is not about anyone other than us, the mommy and daddy of the lost angel. In all honesty, I don't really care about how this is affecting you or how you are feeling. I hardly know how I am feeling.

What I need is silent support and love.

What I don't need is to hear ANY of the following:

At least you know you can get pregnant
It was for the best
You don’t want a child with special needs
Now you can lose some weight
It wasn’t meant to be
Have a drink and relax
You’ll get over it
Now you can save more money and buy a house
Well, you are older …

There is nothing you can say that is going to make me feel better. This experience is horrible, sad, unfair, and there are no words to ease the pain.

So please, just leave it at I'm sorry and give me a hug. That is all I need right now.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Sadness & Tears

Dear Baby,

When we found out you would be a part of our lives we were very excited. It was too hard to not share the news with friends and family and soon everyone knew about you. But now we have found out that you have already gone to heaven. We had no idea. Mommy & Daddy are very sad. There are so many questions, so many things we wanted to know about you, that we just can't know. Would you have been a boy or a girl, what color hair and eyes would you have? Would you be laid back or would you be full of energy and mischief? What would you like and be like as you grew? Everyday there are more questions, for now they must go unanswered.

We will miss you deeply and always remember you. Even though the time was short, you were a part of our life, and an important one, a life changing one. We will talk about you and your sisters and brothers will know who you where. You were briefly in our lives, but will be forever in our family. We hold hope that we will meet you one day.

Much Love,

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers