A year ago

I was a massively overdue preggo lady, desperate to meet her child.

I was eating my weight in pineapple, walking for hours, and doing a whole host of other things to try to get this baby out.

I was very fearful and upset of my pending induction, scheduled for 8am the next day.

Amazing to look back at it now.

40+2

And here we are, 2 days past Peanuts guess date. Shocking, nope. I predicted this but am still a little bummed. However, this is my child, who is now a Gemini and clearly has begun to play by their own rules. Ahhh little one, you are just like Mommy.

Last Drs appointment today went well though. Survey Says - 1 cm dilated, very short cervix and head has finally engaged!! Dr expects me to go in the next few days.

** PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE **

The internal was super uncomfy but it did confirm that all that pain I've been having over the last few weeks is in fact my cervix. Dr put me on the induction list for Monday just in case but doesn't think I will make it till then - Lets hope so!

Going to book myself an acupuncture and massage appointment for Thursday in hopes that I have to cancel it :)

39w and DONE

Emotional breakdown #2 this morning. 730am sobb-fest due to total lack of sleep and utter physical discomfort.

P was at a loss, justst let me cry and blubber and rubbed my back and hugged me.

 Slept on and off till noon and was suprised to find brunch and a lovely Mommy to Be card waiting for me. What a man. Now I am restless again, tired but not sleepy ... so I am baking cookies.

 Really hoping my "normal" self returns soon. I am not used to being so out of control of my body and mind. I cant take the constant back aches, restless legs, indigestion and heartburn much more. I need to sleep and feel rested plus I am DYING to meet my kid!!

38 Weeks

And no signs of baby moving out. Hmmmm ...

I fully though Peanut was going to be late (just assumed that would be the case with Baby #1), but ever since P started going on about how he though they would be early that is all I can think of.

Staring at my Evening Primrose Oil bottle and wondering if I should start trying to force the eviction or just try to be patient and wait it out ...

36w

More of the same this week, but at least that much closer to the end:

• swollen feet and legs
• sleeplessness
• heartburn
• waddling
• serious vag pain (like someome is jbbing y in the cooter with a knitting needle - ya, awesome)\
• minor contractions - just strong braxton hicks
• lots of rolling and pushing from Peanut.

Had my weekly appointent today and damnit the GBS test came back positive.

Ugh.

Also Peanut was being a pain and it took forever to find the HB. Freaked me right out of course. Doc again not sure which way they are positioned so we are gonna go for a scan after my appointment next week if she is still not sure.

So ready to be done with pregnancy and just want to meet my babes already.

As of Sunday this Momma to Be will be doing whatever she can to get this part started ...

Whip Em Out!!

Yay!! I am feeling more empowered now than ever!

 

32 Weeks

Officially 8 months gone ... and am SO READY TO BE DONE BEING PREGGO!

Yes, again its a beautiful, wonderful time but for the love of god I am not going to be sad to say good bye to:

• The every 20 minute bathroom breaks
• Never-ending heartburn and acid reflux
• Insomnia
• Restless legs
• Sore, achy back and hips
• Giant, heavy boobs (yah, really not as fun as some may think)
• Itchy, flakey, dry skin
• Inability to reach feet or bend at the non-existent waist
• Swollen, fat feet
• Weight gain in areas other than tummy and chest (really, do I need a bigger booty and thicker thighs to have a healthy pregnancy?!)
• Trying to roll (note: not simply get up) gracefully off the couch/bed
• Red, violent stretch marks that are taking up space on my now giant hips - though I suppose those wont really just go away after Peanut arrive *sigh*

But for all of the above, there are defiantly some things that I have enjoyed, such as:

• No excuse needed for crying, yelling, sleeping and eating excessive amounts of chocolate
• Feeling Peanut move and groove around inside me
• Seeing Peanut move and groove around inside me
• Meeting new and experienced Mommas also expecting little ones in May (thanks babycentre.ca and Facebook!)
• Bonding with P over all sorts of fantastic things like crib building, stoller selection and Hypnobabies

So really, for all the uncomfortable and annoying, there has been some pretty darn good stuff and there is even more to come - MEETING PEANUT!!

I am so anxious and excited to lay eyes and hands on this little wonder. I am dying to see what they look like, what they sounds like, see who they will be like. 

But this, this I am more than happy to say GOOD BYE to

Hypnobabies

How stoked am I that tonight we begin our Hypnobabies classes tonight? SUPER STOKED!

I have been working on 2 different hypnosis scripts over the last month and feel that they are truly helping me relax and reprogram my mind in advance of my birthing time. I am happy and comfortable to know that with the help of P and our Doula Lynne, I know that my birthing team will do everything possible to help me reach my goal, and not just for me, but for Peanut as well.

Now some people feel that this idea and plan is a bit kooky or spooky and that's OK - they just need to educated themselves more on it. Read up on Hypnobabies here:

http://www.hypnobabies.com/



And really, when you can have a birthing experience like those below, why would you want to try and aim for anything less:

Predictions

P and I have opted to be on Team Green for this pregnancy. I am so excited to hear the words .. Its a ..... when little Peanut arrives.

For me, like I have mentioned before, when I picture Peanut, I see a little boy. P says he sees a little girl. 12 more weeks and we shall know for sure, but until then its interesting to see what old wives tales and online predictors says is happening in my belly:

• One of the popular theories on baby gender prediction is based on the baby’s heart rate.The theory states that if your baby’s heart rate was 140 beats per minute and above, you would be having a girl. If the heart rate was under 140 beats per minute, then you would be having a boy.(http://www.babygenderprediction.com/babys-heart-rate.html)NOTE: Peanuts heart rates has been between 145 - 160 since we could find it.

• Chinese Gender Predictor: Legend states that the Chinese Gender Chart was buried in a royal tomb near Beijing over 700 years ago. The original is allegedly currently in the Institute of Science in Beijing. Rumors have it that this chart is over 90% accurate when used properly but please remember that this chart is for entertainment purposes only.

BUT another predictor says otherwise:

Guess only time will tell!

26wks and Counting

Almost in the home stretch. Here are some of the highlights from the last few weeks:

• Peanut is an octopus, I am sure of it. That or they are going to be world class gymnasts when they grow up. How can I be punched in the ribs and the pelvis at the same time, riddle me this.
• Turned 33 … and ate 6, delicious, moist, to die for vegan cupcakes to celebrate. Yup - they were fabu and I have ZERO guilt
• Passed my GTT, though I am pretty sure that that test we designed by a Man who seems to think that starving a pregnant woman, then forcing her to guzzle orange sugar water and sit in a cold, clinical room for hours only to have her start twitching and shaking and then crash and pass out. What a stupid test.
• Have been doing nightly Hypnobabies sessions and while I cant tell yet how this will all work out, I can be sure that I am more relaxed now and able to relax myself better that ever before. P & I start our in class sessions next week so things will ramp up to some degree then and I am interested to see where they go.
• We bought our stroller, or rather should I say P’s parents bought it for us. THANKS GRAMA & GRANDPA M! After much debate and testing we settled on the Britax B-Ready. Its got all the bells and whistles that we wanted, plus we can change the configuration of the seat(s) to all sorts of things depending on our needs. It even converts into a double stroller so if Peanut gets a little sibling within a few years, then all we need to do it buy another seat and off we go
• I have started nesting HARD. Been cleaning, cooking, baking and even taken up crocheting. It is seriously my new addiction. I have decided I wanted to make a baby blanket for Peanut so after a visit to Michaels and a few visits to YouTube I am now well on my way to making something that is filled with love and warmth for my baby to be. It may not be perfect, but its being made from the heart and as my Mother says, that is all that matters.
• Beginning to feel like a house on legs; stiff, stuffed and unable to move in ways that I know I used to.
• My brain is a mess – every night I have mental dreams and wake up feeling lost, scared, insecure, sad ... you name it. Then of course I cannot get back to sleep and toss and turn for ages
• I can no longer tie my shoes up, I simply cant reach them without almost passing out or falling over. Time for Momma to buy some slip ons.

That is all.

Worry Wart ... now and forever

Well, after a day of being blue and uber paranoid, Peanut is back to kicking up a storm.

Maybe she was just resting yup for Super Bowl? Or maybe he was just taking a lazy Saturday. Whatever it was, Mommy was a mess.

For a good 12+  hrs there was no movement coming from my little tenant - and of course, being me that sent me into a massive emotional tizzy. I woke up feeling very blue. I had slept all night, not something I am used to these days as I am generally up a few times between 11 - 6am thanks to bladder needs and internal somersaults. So 9am rolls around, sun streaming in the windows, birds chirping. A beautiful winter weekend morning, and all I wanted to do was cry. I had no good reason to worry or be concerned  but something in me was giving me bad vibes. I tried to push it aside.

I got up, made a super yummy breakfast of Mexican Tofu Scramble and fed my belly, thinking this may wake up the little squirt.

Nope. Nada.

I did some laundry, I read, I stared blankly at the TV, I napped. Still nothing, not even a gassy bubble.

I cried. I was convinced something was very wrong. P was a star. He rubbed my back, hugged me, tried to offer reassurance and asked if I wanted to call the Dr.

I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to feel little kicks in my ribs and belly button. I wanted to feel my baby moving and grooving. I didn't want to think anymore about negative possibilities, but I couldn't get them out of my head. Horrible images ran through my brain, sadness washed over me. I felt empty and so lost. I was sure this was the end.

I got bitchy and argumentative. I took it out on P. I acted like a cow until I went to bed at 11pm.

And then at 1am I cried again. Tears of joy. Peanut was kicking the shit out of me, rolling and flipping and she didn't stop till 6am, and only then for a slight reprieve before gearing up again, he's doing jumping jacks even as I type this.

So all is well. I can relax.

But clearly I cannot, and no matter how chill or melow I think I am while navigating this pregnancy, that is simply not the reality. I am a paranoid, worried, scared mess of a woman. I never anticipated my losses and struggle would have left such a long lasting impression on my mental state. I thought I had come to terms with all that had happened last year. I am now 25 weeks, fully thought all of this would have passed by now.

Ha! Wishful thinking ... worry will be my middle name - now and forever.

Hyper Critial

Listening to an amazing spot on CBC Radio 1 right now ... all about how judgmental, critical and know it all Mothers are. It is so enlightening and SO true.

I find that as I move through this pregnancy people feel open to taking the opportunity to tell me what to think, feel, act, expect. I am assuming this is simply because this is my first child (however many of them forget or are not aware that this is NOT my first pregnancy), and I am to take most of what is said with a massive box of salt. I try so hard to stay open minded when given opinions or reading/listening to comment come my way but shit, sometimes it's hard .

The part that really gets me is that I don't pass judgement on anyone else's parenting choices, I stand firm to the belief of  TO EACH THEIR OWN. So what the hell possesses people to openly suggest that I be open minded (I AM!!), DO THIS, DON'T DO THAT ...

AHHHHHHHHH

Last night it came to a head: A friend posted an article to my FB page about epidurals. I read it, I didn't comment on it one way or the other, however a SLEW of comments were posted to me suggesting that:

• I don't know what I am in for
• I am trying to be a hero and will not be given any awards for doing things naturally
• I need to be prepared for anything and not to rule any option out
• I need to be aware that things never go as planned, don't be upset if things end up differently than planned ...

Ummmm, I know, I agree and I NEVER said anything to suggest otherwise. I never said anything about my birth plan, my hopes for what my L&D would be like, I never opened up about a single thing - There was just a shit ton of presumptions happening ...

WTF?!

I am used to this happening when my veganism comes up and I am asked me asinine questions and have to listen to idiotic comments relating to health and wellness. I have become accustom to brushing these moments off and letting the morons talk their nonsense, leaving my mind to float to something more interesting and entertaining.

This kind of thing usually stems from the discomfort others feel about my personal choices. Not that I am pushing or preaching them, but the simple fact that I have have made them inadvertently puts others on the defence of their choices, when neither were up for discussion.

And as much as this has been part of my life now for almost 3 years this crap still gets my blood boiling. Who the hell are these women to suggest that I don't know what is best for me, for my child  and that THEY DO?

No one will be the expert on my experiences other than me
No one will be the expert on my child other than me
No one will be able to tell me what to expect or how things will play out
NO ONE ASKED YOU FOR YOUR OPINION or YOUR ADVICE!

Nesting

And so it begins: The Nesting.

Nesting: Around the fifth month of pregnancy, the "nesting" instinct can set in. This is an uncontrollable urge to clean one's house brought on by a desire to prepare a nest for the new baby, to tie up loose ends of old projects and to organize your world.

I am a natural organizer, tidier and planner - some may even suggest a little anal retention, or OCD may be at play. Whatever, I like my lists, boxes, calenders, and charts. That is just how I roll.

And today it was in full effect:

1. Bought a car seat from Babies r Us - for $100 off - sweet deal
2. Picked up a rocking chair from Craigslist posting - $50 and 30 minutes well spent
3. FINALLY decided on what new sofa we were going to order - and it was $200 off 
4. Hit up Ikea for some organizing supplies - all my travel memories are now in their own lovely memory boxes
5. And ended the day with a inventory and organizational bonanza in the Nursery - all of Peanut things are sorted (for now, till more is accumulated)

All and all, a nice, little sunny, snowy Sunday in the 'burbs.

22wks and feeling fine :)

Bump

Over 1/2 there and no its no longer a secret ... 

Yup - I got me a case of the babies alright

21w5d

It may be out there but I can still just see my feet - though I suspect that will change over the next few weeks

Hiiiii-YA!

Jab, kick, gurgle, bubble
Jab, kick, gurgle, bubble
Jab, kick, gurgle, bubble
Jab, kick, gurgle, bubble

Yup - it started on Tuesday as I sat at my desk. For hours on end my little karate master was getting their exercise. Such a crazy, amazing feeling. Hoping that P can feel it soon, still a little too light to sense from the outside, but there is defo a party going on on the inside.

New Year and Half Way There

January 1, 2012. The New Year has arrived and what a year it is shaping up to be.

2011 is finally behind me and I am more than happy to see it end. Yes, there were some serious ups like eloping with my true love in utter romantic craziness in Las Vegas, buying our first house together and finding out our little Peanut was going to join the family, but there were also some serious downs. Multiple miscarriages, serious family health issues, and distressing personal safety concerns made for some very challenging times.

It was a true roller coaster of emotions, with massive peaks and cavernous drops. But we got through it all, and are better and stronger because of every moment, good or bad. And 2012 is holding such promise:

• We are safe and secure in our new home and are surrounded by normal, kind and friendly neighbours. 
• We will have the opportunity to spend quality time with friends and family this year and I expect to share in a million laughs, giggles, smiles and dirty diapers. 
• Our little Peanut is due to arrive around May 21st, and is growing well and strong. Hard to believe that we are now officially half way through the pregnancy now and its all systems go! I am on such edge to meet this little person, see who's nose they have, who's eyes, and what kind of personality P and I managed to create together. 

I simply cannot wait. I have nothing but positive vibes for 2012 and I wish the best for everyone out there. Cheers to the New Year!

19wk3ds

Well Peanut is looking good and everything is on track for our EDD! Strong heartbeat, perfecto measurements and everything in the right places. Phew!!!

And Here Come the Cravings

Its like after every turn day something new happens. At 12 weeks the constant nausea stopped, at 14 weeks my belly started to pop, at 17 weeks I started feeling baby bubbles ... and now at 18 weeks the cravings had seemingly kicked in.

And why do I think its a craving and not just a general want? General wants don't have the URGENCY to HAVE that this feeling did. Like honestly, if I didn't get my hands on some salty & vinegar crispy minis STAT someone was gonna get a hurt real bad.

Needless to say my tongue is now almost bleeding after mowing **cough** two bag of the aforementioned crispy minis. Jesus. Get control woman!

Woosh, Woosh, Woosh!

Yay! Finally heard Peanut's little heart a beating - So crazy!!!

Dr says I am measuring perfect for 17 weeks and am a super healthy pregnant lady, despite me feeling like a house. She said my blood pressure was perfect so no matter how I think I look, I am not to worry about my weight.

2 more weeks until our 20 wk scan and our first OB appt and then we are 1/2 way done. WOW, May is coming FAST!

We have also booked our doula and signed up for our Hypnobabies class and I am so excited. I am so very determined to have an unmedicated delivery and really feel that this will help me achive this. I have head from some close friends such fantastic things about it and how wonderfully it worked for them I am hoping the same will be for me.

For more info on our doula lynn - here is her website:
http://yourbirthsong.com/

For more info on Hypnobabies - here you have it
http://www.hypnobabies.com/
http://ecochildsplay.com/2011/11/01/childbirth-hypnosis-a-safer-healthier-alternative-to-epidurals/

Merry Preggo Christmas - Part #1

Went out to my first Christmas party last night, P's annual corporate bash in Whistler. Had an amazing afternoon with a 90 min massage and grabbed tea with some great girlfriends. 

THEN, we went to the party and the night went into the toilet. 

I was in a black dress and killer boots, rocking some great hair and makeup, feeling like a million bucks and only a little worried I looked like a whale. 

First comment came at 5 minutes into the night: "Woah! How much weight have you gained already, you must have gone up at least 2 sizes".  

Uuuuuh, ok ... I am stunned into silence - ME! 

2nd comment: "I was gonna say, either you've been slamming back the beers or something is going on in there"  - Followed by an unwelcome pat of the belly. 

Wow, ummm. Forced smiles and stiff uncomfortable laughter

3rd comment: 'You're only due in May? You keep going like that and you'll start to fall forward".  - Followed by an second unwelcome pat of the belly.  

Anger and tears now brewing. Keep it together E-Dot!

Wholly hell did my self esteem go into the toilet fast. I am fully aware of how much weight I have gained and where it is showing up (face, ass and gut). I am also very aware that I should be able to take these things with a grain of salt, but it was hard. Add in the fact that any woman I spoke to all night only wanted to talk pregnancy, babies, motherhood and was free with giving out LOADs of suggestions and advise (some great, some very annoying), that I was honestly the only sober person in a room of 100 drunks and that P was off and in fine form, the night had a emotionally charged feel to it. 

Then my headache returned - for the love of god. I called it a night at 10:30pm, with a hammered P walking me home to the hotel. He left me in bed, chugging water and smothered in drunk man kisses. He went back to continue his bender as I sat there watching Bring it On and praying to god that 

a) I dont become a massive whale of a woman over the next 6 months; and 

b) that my EFFING never-ending headache will someday leave.

I guess I need to chin up, but I may snap if people continue to make "honest" comments about my body, touch me (this one really gets me furious), and offer "advice".