Sunday, April 10, 2011

What NOT to say

There are times when silence speaks louder than words. And right now that is one of those times.

I am navigating one of the hardest paths I have ever been put on, and not one that I know anything of. However, over the last 5 days it has become clear that no words can take away the hurt, anger, sadness or pain. Time and tears will do that.

And over the last 5 days, as family and friends struggle to offer support and words of condolence & advice it has become clear:

If you are not sure what to say to someone who is/has experienced a pregnancy loss or miscarriage, that is fine. I don't expect you have have answers.

If you have walked this path before, I now understand you pain, BUT do not offer advice or tell tales of your experience. Let me come to you when I am ready, as your stories do not make my feelings go away or any easier to bare.

This is not about anyone other than us, the mommy and daddy of the lost angel. In all honesty, I don't really care about how this is affecting you or how you are feeling. I hardly know how I am feeling.

What I need is silent support and love.

What I don't need is to hear ANY of the following:

At least you know you can get pregnant
It was for the best
You don’t want a child with special needs
Now you can lose some weight
It wasn’t meant to be
Have a drink and relax
You’ll get over it
Now you can save more money and buy a house
Well, you are older …

There is nothing you can say that is going to make me feel better. This experience is horrible, sad, unfair, and there are no words to ease the pain.

So please, just leave it at I'm sorry and give me a hug. That is all I need right now.

1 comment:

Me said...

People often misunderstand sympathy for empathy. Lending an ear, being that soundboard, or that shoulder is often underrated.

I don't understand why people feel the need to try so hard to connect when it really is so easy if you truly know the person.