Thursday, April 25, 2013

Gone too soon

Over the course of my pregnancy and now E's life, I have been actively participating in an online/FB based Mommy group. We all met on back when they had good forums and decided that when they were changing formats to continue the chatter over on FB.

Some people think its weird, that I spend so much time talking to loads of people that I have never laid eyes on, or that because so many moms are bitchy towards each other and forever in competition/judgement mode it can't be legit.

Well it is - and I will be the first to admit that never would I have expected it to become so very close and personal with these women. In BC I was lucky to have a few playdates with a group of  the Ladies when the kiddos were all but brand new. When we moved back to TO I was able to hook up with even more and now I honestly consider some of them good, real friends.

We talk about everything; from anything and everything baby related, to personal topics like sex, marriage, love, cooking, weight loss, jobs, money and every bodily function one can think of. We are an oddly open and very non judgemental group of very close strangers.

In each city where there is a group of May Mommas we have met up, we have become not just FB friends but sisters in arms, going through the daily challenges of making, having and now raising our beautiful May 2012 babies.

But sadness has become us recently. A sadness and loss that thought we knew was near, none of us were prepared for. This week we lost one of our beautiful babies. He was just shy of 11 months old. He had fought tooth and nail for his short life from the moment he came into the world, but he was no longer able to battle all that came his way. He was born with some very rare and unusual issues, that stemmed into other more serious complications along the way. He was such a sick little man, but such a strong, strong little soul. He gave it everything he had. And so did his young, new parents. They spend almost every day and night travelling to and from the hospital, sitting at his bedside, talking and reading to him, playing and just being in love with their son.  And in the short times he was able to join them at home they were there taking care of him with love, tenderness and sheet joy.

My heart is aching for them, it is heavy with a sadness that I never have known. My eyes are not able to stop welling up, tears spilling over. We all knew the end was on the horizon, we had been told it was close. I am sure most of us thought we would be coping much better than  we are. We are all mourning the loss of a baby that was one of ours, we have all lost a son this week.

I hope that Bas' parents can find their way through this time of grief and pain. This is a path non of us ever want to find ourselves on. I cannot begin to understand their feelings at this time.

It is unfair. It is heartbreaking. It is tragic.

But in all of that Sebastian will never be forgotten, he will always be loved, forever and always

Forever there will be a light in my heart for you Sebastian - 05/26/12 - 4/23/13

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