2013

I have not written anything in while as I have been uber, crazy stupid tired and busy being a Mom.

And I love it. I am SO in love with my boy, his smile, his talking, his bonkers somewhat bipolar behaviour. I love every second of him being in my life and cannot even begin to think of what it would be like with out him. He has changed me forever and I am so incredibly thankful for that.

So in reality, until something gives and I have more time I can assume that I will not be posting too much of anything.

2012 was full of changes

• May = Arrival of the best thing I have ever done in my life - my amazing son *gush*
• June = Hubby accepts work transfer with a 2 week moving period - AHHHHHHHH!
• July = Cross country move into temp condo (ooooh so cozy)
• August/September = Brutal house hunt in TO, multiple offers, multiple losses, FINALLY a home to call ours
• October = Move into new house
• December =  Christmas/Holiday madness

All I want for 2013 is health, happiness and simplicity. 2012 had enough action to last us a while :) 

Adventures in Sleep Training

So here we are - in our new home, back in Toronto and E has lost his mind and for the last almost 2 MONTHS has not slept longer than 3hrs at night.

GIVE ME EFFING STRENGTH.

Today my little chipmunk is 20 weeks and yesterday I dropper the hammer and started sleep training.

Add this to the list of things that I said I would never do as a mother. Man, I was such a awesome parent before I had kids ...

But in all seriousness these gazillion night wakings  have to stop. I am more than OK with 1 or 2, but 5, 6, 7 - nuh uh. Mommy dont play that.

SO I busted out my Baby Whisperer bible and got to it. First nap of the day we were off to the races. 2hrs after waking we were changed, swaddled and headed for the crib. Of course he screamed in protest at this going down without a boob business but I was focused. It took 3 rounds of pick up/calm/put down to get him settled, but in less than 10 min he was calm and in his crib awake but on his way to dreamland ... and there he stayed for almost 2hrs.

Huh,, well whaddaya know. That seemed to work.

I proceeded to eff up the afternoon nap by going on a 4hr trek to Ikea but he didn't seem to mind. He was a champ, in great spirits, full of grins and loved hanging out in the carrier and in the complimentary high chair in the Ikea cafe while Mommy ate and gabbed with her GF. He napped on and off in the carrier and again on the way home in the car and seemed so content when we got home. He ate and played and when it was finally bed time, he loved his bath as usual.

Then we got down to business. Bed time routine up until now has been: bath, book, boob, bed. Well I want him off the boob to bed business so that is where I decided to start. He still got boob before bed but I unlatched him before he was too sleepy and plopped him in his crib.

Commence screaming and on to the PU/PD dance. To my glee and surprise he was again calm and quiet, headed to dreamland in less than 10 minutes.

2.5 hrs later the shit show began.

First up was Daddy. Of course he decided to ignore the convo that we JUST has 2 hrs before about how to manage night wakings and he begins with his standard rocking, singing routine. Great. Just toss Mom under the bus why dont you. UGH!

E slept for 10 minutes after that, before waking again. I took the next shift and for the next 2hrs I dealt with the PU/PD scream-fest.

But then he slept ... for a glorious 5.5hrs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhhhhhHHHHHHHH - I think I saw rainbows and unicorns I shit you not, because when I opened my eyes at 6:30am and saw my burrito baby still asleep on the monitor I almost cried.

Day #1 - success? Not sure, but we shall continue and see what happens. As I type this, E has been down for almost 2 hrs on his am nap following a very sort 5 minute PU/PD stint


MFFX!

Milestones

Well, its clear that this Mommyhood stuff makes for little time to sit, write and reflect, but I am going to try to get back on the wagon as best as possible. Which I do hope is more now that little E is becoming a champion napper (which I like to think is thanks to my determination in nap training - thank you very much).

My main man is now 3 month old (14weeks) and the development is unreal. In the just the last few weeks things have changed so much for this guy, its truly incredible. Its like watching the light come on  in a new part of his mind every day and its stunning.

He now plays for hours at a time on his own on his mat and in his crib when he wakes up, grabbing, pulling and talking to his toy friends. His chatting has become constant, and happy squeals and sounds fill our house now more than cries or shrieks. His grins are from head to toe and are such a joy to wake up to.

Quite simply, I am in awe and in total love with my little boy

And I Quote ...

Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It’s about understanding that he is exactly the person he is supposed to be. And that, if you’re lucky, he just might be the teacher who turns you into the person you are supposed to be.” – Joan Ryan

Time Flies!

Geeze, where did the last 5 weeks go?!

Little Man is getting so big, figuring so many things out and generally just an adorable ball of smiles and love.

12 weeks and enjoying his chair

Mmmmm, tasty hands

7 weeks

Little E is 7 weeks old and we are on the verge of moving - Never a dull moment here that's for sure :)

Meltdown

Just had a massive meltdown, the second in 2 days. 

E has seemingly lost his mind and I am loosing mine beside him. He has been happy for about 30 minutes since 5pm yesterday, the rest of the time has been intense crying or eating. He slept for 3x 3hr stretches from 10pm last night, I got another 2hrs out of him this morning and that has been it other than 10-20 minute cat naps. 

I am exhausted and really hoping that this is just a bad bit of a growth spurt and will be over soon. 

I want my happy, 6+hr sleeper back!

One Month

It has been a month since my life changed forever ... what a trip it has been so far. Thank you for coming into my world little man - I never knew I could ever love someone so very much (even when you are crying, fussing, puking or refusing to sleep)

My Little Man

Well, its has been just over 2 weeks since my little dude arrived. The time has gone by in a whirlwind and it has been a total roller coaster ride with nothing and I mean nothing going as expected. From labour to birthing to coming home and getting settled, not a single moment has gone as planned or anticipated.

I have been struggling to write my birth story, as it is a long and complicated event that to be honest I have not been to eager to relive. I have requested my hospital records in order to piece together the time line, as things happened in what feels like a vacuum of time and I am not sure of how things actually went down, but there are some things that I am sure of:

May 28, 2012

• Induction started at 8am
• Contractions started at 11am
• Active labour began at 2pm
• Arrived at the hospital at 230pm and laboured in the assessment area for hours as they did not have a room for me. Finally about 2 hrs later I was moved to a private labour & delivery suite
• I tried every position imaginable to manage the pain. I walked, kneeled, swayed, used my birth ball, had P and L (our doula) massage my back, was in and out of the tub ... nothing worked to ease the pain. But I managed and continued to push through
• My membranes were ruptured sometime around 9pm after I had made it to 6cm. The hope was that with the water broken, baby would descend more and turn, as they had ended up sunny side up.
• Contractions intensified immensely once my water broke and the desire to push became overwhelming. The strength to fight against it was hard to find, but was necessary
• Sometime around midnight I asked for the epi, something I never in my dreams thought I would do, but with the contractions coming one on top of the other and the pain never subsiding even for a moment it was more than I could bear. 

May 29, 2012

• I was told around 6am, that while I was at 8cm, the baby was still sunny side up and had not descended far enough into the birth canal. I was told I needed the dreaded oxytocin to amp up my contractions to hopefully turn baby around and get them to drop. I consented, with sadness in my heart.
• I continued to labour until 9am, making no progress past 8cm
• Then I as told that I had developed a fever and infection and baby's heart rate began to climb. The Dr advised that we now had about 2hrs to make a move, we could wait and try to deliver the baby vaginally w forceps/vacuum or go with a section.  A section would be necessary regardless if I could not get past 8cm, of which I had not been able to do in the last 5 hrs. In either instance, baby would have to spend time in the NICU for 48 hrs for observation and antibiotics as a precaution. So while neither option to me was a good one, and I had always envisioned a beautiful natural delivery, I did not want to risk my or my childs health. The fear of the fever and possible infection being transferred to baby was enough to break my heart. 
• Sometime around 10am I consented to an emergency c-section. I cried for what felt like an eternity. P and L held my hand an assured me that this was the right thing to do. They were my rocks as I felt that my world was coming apart.
• Then more bad news: The anaesthesiologist came in to prep me and advised that since I had such a high fever I would not be able to have a spinal for the c-section and therefore would have to be put under a full general. Cue more tears and further emotional breakdown. 
• Just after 10am, I was wheeled into the OR and by 1039, my beautiful baby boy was born. 
• Little E was taken straight to the NICU with Daddy, while I was being stitched up and moved to recovery.
• I came to about an hr later but was not able to meet my baby for another few hrs. When I did finally get to see him, I was wheeled into the NICU on my stretcher only to see my boy in an incubator, with tubes and cords all hooked up to him. I was still so out of it nothing really connected or made sense at the time. 
• Back in the L&D area I was again left in the assessment area for a couple hours before a room was free in the maternity ward.
• Once in our room I rested for a while longer before starting off back downstairs to the NICU to really visit with and meet my son. 
• For the next 4 days, P and I would spend all our time in hospital, P sleeping on a shitty cot and me in a horrid hospital bed, as both myself and E recovered. Every 3 hrs we would make the trek downstairs to attempt nursing and bonding with our boy. 

Overall, there is nothing in this story that was expected or envisioned. Not a single moment of my birthing went as "planned". It was one of the hardest times in my life and was so emotionally taxing that there were times that I was not sure I would make it through.

But we are home now, all of us happy, healthy and finding our footings as a new family of 3. It has been almost 3 weeks since little E arrived, and regardless of anything that happened that week, I would never change a thing if it meant anything other than having him in our lives.